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Plastic Jesus

Cool Hand Luke

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus - Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it rains or freezes, 's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car, You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary, Long as I have magnetic Mary,
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car, I feel I'm protected amply,
I've got the whole damn Holy Family, Riding on the dashboard of my car.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna, Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell, Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary, Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles, Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car, Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness, Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car, But I think he'll have to go,
His magnet ruins my radio, And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

Riding through the thoroughfare, with his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see, he just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back, makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross, I let them know whose boss, I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town, trying to run them down, And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam he don't care if I say Damn, I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear, for he has a plastic ear, The man who invented plastic saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white, now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew, God made Him a Christian too, Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan, From the shaggy dash of my furlined van, Famous cuckold in the master plan

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling, Jesus dainty and beguiling Knee-deep in the piling of my van,
His message clear by night or day, My phosphorescent plastic Gay, Simpering from the dashboard of my van.

When I'm goin' fornicatin', I got my ceramic Satan, Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level, Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil, Ridin' on the dashboard of my ...
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my ... Leering from the dashboard of my van.

If I weave around at night, And the police think I'm tight, They'll never find my bottle, though they ask;
plastic Jesus shelters me, For His head comes off, you see-- He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus - Riding on the dashboard of my car:
Ride with me and have a dram, Of the blood of the Lamb, Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.

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