| Am | Em | |
| All the secrets we hav | e shared |
| Am | Em | |
| Have | moved to a couple better p | aired |
| Am | Em | Am | |
| So if he impales himself on | javelin or spike |
| Em | Am | |
| I will try my best to | be the perfect lookalike |
| And if he wants to be smart |
| And enter a property quiz |
| Every weed in the garden's mine but the lawnmower's his |
| Am | Em | Am | Em | G | |
| Every weed in the garden's | mine but the lawnmower's hi | s |
| Chorus |
| Am | D | G | |
| And if his | manhood needs the help of scaf | fold or even a | winch |
| Am | D | G | |
| I wi | ll gladly supplement that | extra little | inch |
| C | G | D | |
| And if it | ever reaches t | ie-break at the property | quiz |
| Am | D | G | D | Em | |
| If they've got my fingerprin | ts on, | they're my tits and | fanny not | his |
| Am | D | G | |
| If they've got my fingerprints | on, they're my not | his |
| Now you've found someone new |
| May I watch him do what I used to do |
| So if he dies an ugly death or even if he faints |
| I'll be there at the window with my face pressed up against |
| Maybe I shouted too loud |
| Maybe you were blissfully deaf |
| But I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref |
| I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref |
| And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch |
| I will gladly supplement that extra little inch |
| And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz |
| If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his |
| If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his |
| I hope he likes to fly |
| And is a good host to every guest |
| 'Cause there's less chance of dying in a |
| crash than being bored to death |
| Yes there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death |
| And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch |
| I will gladly supplement that extra little inch |
| And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz |
| If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his |
| If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his |
| Now you've found someone new |
| By DannyInE |