Paddy And The Barrel Fureys
DEAR SIR I WR[G]ITE THIS NOTE TO YOU TO TELL YOU OF MY PLIGHT.
FOR AT THE [C]TIME OF WRITING IT IM NOT A PRETTY[G] SIGHT [Am] [D]
MY BODY IS A[C]LL BLACK AND BLUE, [G]
MY FACE A [Am]DEATHLY GRAY [C]
[C]AND I WROTE THIS NOTE TO SAY WHY PADDYS NOT AT WORK
TODAY [G]
WHILST WORKING ON THE FOURTEENTH FLOOR
SOME BRICKS I HAD TO CLEAR,
TO THROW THEM DOWN FROM SUCH A HEIGHT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA.
THE FOREMAN WASN`T VERY PLEASED,
HE IS AN AWKWARD SOD,
HE SAID I`D HAVE TO CART THEM DOWN THE LADDERS IN ME HOD.
NOW CLEARING ALL THOSE BRICKS BY HAND,
IT WAS SO VERY SLOW,
SO I HOISTED UP A BARREL AND SECURED THE ROPE BELOW
BUT IN MY HASTE TO DO THE JOB I WAS TO BLIND TO SEE,
THAT A BARREL FULL OF BUILDING BRICKS WAS HEAVIER THAN ME.
SO, WHEN I UNTIED THE ROPE THE BARREL FELL LIKE LEAD,
AND CLINGING TIGHTLY TO THE ROPE I STARTED UP INSTEAD
I SHOT UP LIKE A ROCKET,
TILL TO MY DISMAY I FOUND,
THAT HALFWAY UP I MET THE BLOODY BARREL COMING DOWN!
THE BARREL BROKE MY SHOULDER
AS TO THE GROUND IT SPED,
AND WHEN I REACHED THE TOP I BANGED THE PULLY WITH ME HEAD.
I HUNG ON TIGHTLY, NUMB WITH SHOCK
FROM THIS ALMIGHTY BLOW,
AND THE BARREL SPILLED OUT HALF THE BRICKS SOME FOURTEEN FLOORS BELOW.
NOW WHEN THOSE BRICKS HAD FALLEN FROM THE BARREL TO THE FLOOR,
I THEN OUT WEIGHED THE BARREL, AND SO STARTED DOWN ONCE MORE!
STILL CLINGING TIGHTLY TO THE ROPE,
MY BODY RACKED WITH PAIN
WHEN, HALFWAY DOWN I MET THE BLOODY BARREL ONCE AGAIN!
THE FORCE OF THIS COLLISION HALFWAY UP THE OFFICE BLOCK,
CAUSED MULTIPLE ABRASIONS AND A NASTY CASE OF SHOCK,
STILL CLINGING TIGHTLY TO THE ROPE,
I FELL TOWARDS THE GROUND AND
I LANDED ON THE BROKEN BRICKS THE BARREL SCATTERED ROUND.
AS I LAY THERE GROANING ON THE GROUND, I THOUGHT I`D PASSED THE WORST,
BUT THE BARREL HIT THE PULLEY-WHEEL THEN THE BOTTOM BURST!
A SHOWER OF BRICKS RAINDED DOWN ON ME-I HADN`T GOT A HOPE,
AS I LAY THERE BLEEDING ON THE GROUND-I LET GO THE BLOODY ROPE!
THE BARREL THEN BEING HEAVIER, IT STARTED DOWN ONCE MORE,
AND LANDED RIGHT ACROSS ME AS I LAY UPON THE FLOOR
IT BROKE THREE RIBS AND MY LEFT ARM, AND I CAN ONLY SAY,
THAT I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHY PADDYS NOT IN WORK TODAY!
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