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Cold Blooded Christmas Jon Lajoie
[A]It was late at night on [E]Christmas eve
[A]I was dreaming of the soft white [E]snow
[A]I was awoken by a noise near the [E]Christmas tree
[A]What it was [E]I did [D]not [E]know[A]
[A]It was Santa Clause he was [E]bringing me some gifts
[A]Unfortunately I did [E]not know that
[A]So I quietly snuck up [E]behind him
[A]And I shot him [E]five times[D] in the[E] back[A]
[A]It went Pow [A]pow pow pow [A]pow
[A]He said "wha[A]t the fuck o[A]w ow ow"
[A]Then I shot h[A]im three mo[A]re times in the[A] head
[A]Pieces of his[A] brain flew out[D] and he was [E]dead
[A]That's when I noticed his [E]blood-soaked beard
[A]And his red suit filled with [E]bullet holes
[A]I said "oh my god I killed [E]santa clause
[A]I'm not going to j[E]ail for [D]this [E]asshole" [A]
[A]So I went to my shed an[E]d I got my saw
[A]And I started to choppipty [E]chop chop
[A]I started with his arms then his[E] legs then his head
[A]And then the torso[E] was a re[D]ally lo[E]ng job [A]
[A]And the blood went spur[A]t spurt spurt
[A]It was really hard [A]work work [A]work
[A]It was hard [A]cutting through h[A]is spine
[A]I must have[A] vomited [D]sixteen [E]times
[A]I burnt all the p[E]ieces in my fireplace
[A]The smell of burning human flesh f[E]illed my nose
[A]Eleven hours later there was[E] nothing left
[A]And that's w[E]hen I h[D]eard my[E] telepho[A]ne
[A]It was Auntie Jean lookin[E]g for Uncle Bob
[A]She said "He left the hous[E]e dressed as Santa Clause
[A]But he didn't come home [E]last night
[A]Have you seen him g[E]od I h[D]ope he[E]'s alr[A]ight"
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