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Festival Of Farts Kevin Bloody Wilson
[C]I come from an outback town where [F]fuckin nothin [C]grows
No [F]wheat no sheep s[C]o we cant even[G] host an annual[G] show
But [C]we got somethin special there that [F]sets our town[C] apart
[F]Coz each year in a[C] shed we hold the[G] festival of [C]farts
T[C]heres displays and competitions And[F] entries from a[C]far
And tho[F]se that cant get[C] into town jus[G]t send in littl[G]e jars
And [C]old fat sarge the local cop with cl[F]ipboard and a[C] pen
Unscre[F]ws the lid and tak[C]es a whiff then s[G]cores em 1 to[C] 10
He'll give you [C]2 points for Aroma
[F]2 for the bouq[C]uet
[F]2 for fermen[C]tation
And [G]2 more for decay
[C]And two for presentation of the fa[F]ncy little jar[C]s
And a [F]medal for the b[C]est fart at the f[G]estival of [C]farts
[C]And you should see the mob this year That c[F]ramed into the[C] shed
He[F]ar the big guns [C]blazing In the [G]farting talent [G]QUest
[C]With old sarge on a megaphone as he [F]reads the riot[C] act
'' Now se[F]ttle down you b[C]astards, can you [G]hear me at the[C] back
[C]Now we'll give em all a go alright, and[F] butt them cig[C]arettes
And [F]any of you cunts [C]play up tonight, i'll [G]bust ur fuckin [G]head''
And[C] he unfolds his directors chair And squ[F]ats on his fat[C] arse
To a[F]djudicate the e[C]ntries in the [G]festival of [C]farts
He'll give you [C]2 points for Aroma
[F]2 for the bouq[C]uet
[F]2 for fermen[C]tation
And [G]2 more for decay
And [C]two for presentation, s[F]tyle and grace and [C]class
And a[F] medal for the [C]best fart at the [G]festival of [C]farts
Then[C] the crowd roars its approval As the [F]first bloke lets on[C]e go
Fuckin th[F]under from down u[C]nder To [G]open up the sh[G]ow
Then[C] a double burblin gurgler With a [F]chilli after[C]burn
Then [F]a downdraft knacker c[C]langer Shit that [G]must have fuckin [C]hurt
And the s[C]ilence single singer That t[F]ook us by su[C]rprise
And a n[F]otchous nostril b[C]urner That br[G]ung tears to our [G]eyes
And [C]old sarge the cranky bastard Sat there ad[F]ding up the [C]marks
As po[F]pular as [C]embroids at the f[G]estival of [C]farts
coz he'll get [C]2 points for Aroma
[F]2 for the bouq[C]uet
[F]2 for fermen[C]tation
And [G]2 more for decay
And [C]two for presentation, s[F]tyle and grace and [C]class
And a m[F]edal for the b[C]est fart at the f[G]estival of [C]farts
But the h[C]ighlight of the show this year Was tw[F]o kids with a go[C]at
That they'd [F]fed on rocks and [C]rotten eggs And [G]dragged in on a r[G]ope
And as on[C]e young fella grabbed his horns to l[F]ine old billy [C]up
His mat[F]e just warned the ground the go[C]ats arse and feck[G] kicked him in the
[C]guts
And that [C]old goat fired a fuckin beauty Like a [F]shotgun goin o[C]ff
And fired a[F] lethal load of g[C]ravel shrapnel Scared [G]shit out of the m[G]ob
And as th[C]ey all dived for cover and h[F]it the deck in f[C]ear
Old sar[F]ge just kept on [C]markin buck shot [G]whizzin past his [C]ears
He'd give em [C]2 points for Aroma
[F]2 for the bouq[C]uet
[F]2 for fermen[C]tation
And [G]2 more for decay
And all i[C]n all that bloated goat had [F]probably scored [C]a ten
Except his f[F]artin shit and sh[C]ot old fuckin s[G]arge arse over he[G]ad
Then with[C] all of the confusion And no[F] cunt keepin sco[C]re
And [F]old sarge fuckin [C]screamin They just [G]pissed off out th[G]e door
And even w[C]hen the dust had settled [F]No-one seemed to[C] care
that they'd [F]fucked off with the [C]medal Coz they'd [G]won it fair and s[C]quare
That goat got[C] 2 points for Aroma
[F]2 for the bouq[C]uet
[F]2 for fermen[C]tation
And [G]2 more for decay
And [C]three big cheers from all of us For [F]pay back on old [C]sarge
and a[F] medal for the[C] best fart at the[G] festival of [C]farts
That goat got[C] 2 points for Aroma
[F]2 for the bouq[C]uet
[F]2 for fermen[C]tation
And [G]2 more for decay
And [C]three big cheers from all of us For [F]wingin poor old [C]sarge
and a [F]medal for the [C]best fart at the [G]festival of f[C]arts
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