Re: New song. Baby please.
i like the flow of your "song" and i bet putting a melody line in there with a good chord backing would make this into a fine pop/rock song.
one of the things we do here is to put a tune to peoples words, so if that is what you were hoping for you must tell us, then someone will give it a go for you. your song will then be returned to "songwriting" forum.
oompa, oompa stick it up your jumpa. charcoal, charcoal.....?