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Juanita and the Kids  Ray Stevens

written by C.W. Kalb, Jr., and Lonnie Carneal
[C]I got a letter from the IRS
[F]Inviting me to be their guest
At an [C]audit they were conducting just for [G]me
They said no [C]need to worry, probably nothing wrong
[F]Just bring your wife and your children along
We just n[C]eed to clear up a s[G]mall technica[C]lity
[C]Now the only problem with an audit is
[F]My wife Juanita and our 14 kids
Friends you [C]cannot believe the refunds they have been [G]worth
But it was [C]years ago that I got this idea
When I [F]bought Juanita thru the mail from Korea
She's an i[C]nflatable doll, but she [G]came with a certificate of [C]birth
I was a s[G]ingle guy without any deductions
So I c[C]laimed Juanita and what a reduction
I r[F]eceived with her as my spouse on the taxes I p[G]ay
[C]That worked so well that every year after that
I re[F]ported a birth when I paid my tax
Each kid c[C]ertified by [G]Cabbage Patch US[C]A
Oh Jua[C]nita (Juanita)
[F]My inflatable senorita
The [C]IRS wants to take you and the children [G]away (away-ay-ay-ay)
You and J[C]im and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
[F]Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
Jan and [C]Dean, Irlene, Louise, Ba[G]rbara and little [C]Ray (little Ray)
[F] [C]  
So I d[C]ressed Juanita like the perfect mother
[F]Velcro'd the children to one another
And when we w[C]alked into that audit those people nearly flipped their [G]lids
I said J[C]uanita might lay around and never cook
And the [F]children don't clean their rooms and never crack a book
But hey [C]they ain't no different from my b[G]rother's wife and [C]kids
And I got [G]social security cards here for every one
My [C]wife, my daughters and all of my sons
All o[F]ffically issued by the government of the US[G]A
So be[C]fore you call me down to muster
[F]Somebody here better think twice buster
Do you r[C]eally wanna be the one to accuse the [G]government of making a bi[C]g mistake
Oh Juan[C]ita (Juanita)
[F]My C-oh-2 senorita
The [C]IRS wants to take you and the children a[G]way (away-ay-ay-ay)
You and [C]Jim and Tammy, Lonnie and Burt
[F]Farrah, Charro, Michael and Kurt
Jan and [C]Dean, Irlene, Louise, B[G]arbara and little [C]Ray (little Ray)
That [G]agent sat there his mouth agape
[G]Thinking over that government mistake
And how his [G]civil service career could be at its e[C]nd
And then he reached for his stamp that said approved
And said [F]hope the kids do better next year and school
And why don't [C]you and the missus drop [G]by and say hello now and [C]then
Oh Ju[C]anita (Juanita)
[F]My inflatable senorita
[C]Looks like you and the kids all get to [G]stay (stay-ay-ay-ay)
[C]What's that honey, you need to get home quick?
[F]You say you started feelin' a little sick?
And you t[C]hink you might once a[G]gain be in a family [C]way?
[C]What's that? You think it might be triplets this time?[F]
Juanita, you are a w[C]onder!
Do w[G]hat? Why, of c[C]ourse we can support your mother!
I even think her [G]moving expenses are deductible too.[C]
Does she still live in Bangkok? [F/]

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