Numbers Bobby Bare
Numbers
By Bobby Bare
Written by Shel Silverstein
rmofle at satx.rr.com
9/3/2005
I was [G]sittin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of [C]wine
When [D]in walked this chick who almost struck me [G]blind
Had [G]wet blue eyes and her legs were long and [C]fine
On a [D]scale of 1 to 10, I'd give her a [G]9
Now on my scale there ain't no 10's, you know
9 is about as far as any chick can go
So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me
So for brains and good judgement, I give her a 3
I said, hey sweet thing, you look like a possible 8
You and me could, uh, make 18, if your head's on straight
She looked up and down my perfect frame
And said these words that burned into my perfect brain
She said, well, another one of those macho statistic men
Tryin' to grade all women on scales of 1 to 10
And, uh, you give me an 8, well, that's a generous thing to do
Now, let's just see, just how much I give you
Change Key to A
[A]She said you comin' on to me with that phony numbers [D]jive
Your [E]style makes me smile, I give it a [A]5
When [A]you walked up I noticed that suit of [D]yours
It's a [E]last year's double knit-french cuffs, give it a [A]4
That must be your car parked out on the curb
That '69 homemade convertible, A 3 and 1/3
As for your build, I guess youâ??re less than 5
â??Cept for your pot belly, I'd give that a 10â?¦for size
That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a 2
And it's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
I give it a 6, you could use some dental work
And it's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
It may be a 10 to these country hens, but to me a 3 and 1/2
And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done
And since there ain't no 0â??s, I give you a 1
She walked out, while up and down the line
The whole bar was laughin', sayin' â??Bare, what happened to your 9â??
9 says I, hell, soon as she started to talk I knew
She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a 2
Spoken
Yeah! No matter how good they look at first
There's flaws in all of them
That's why on a scale of 10 to 1, friend
There ain't no 10
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