National Shite Day Half Man Half Biscuit
D Am C F, D Am C F
[D]Pulling the ice axe [Am]from my leg, I [C]staggered on
[F]Spindrift [D]stinging my remaining [Am]eye[C] [F]
I [D]finally managed to [Am]reach the station
[C]Only to find that the [F]bus replacement service had [D]broken down[Am] [C] [F]
After [D]wondering to myself [Am]whether or not it should
[C]Actually be called a [F]train replacement service
I [D]walked out onto the [Am]concourse
And [C]noticed the giant [F]screen seemed to have been [D]tampered with
[Am]Probably by a [C]junior employee[F].
[D]Disgruntled com[Am]muters were being reg[C]aled with some dismal TV[F]M
In[D]volving a tug-of-love [Am]custody battle[C];
[F]Stockard Channing [D]held sway.[Am] [C] [F] [D] [Am] [C] [F]
[D]Down in the High Street [Am]somebody careered out of [C]Boots
Without due [F]care or attention
I [D]suggest that they [Am]learn some pedestrian [C]etiquette
[F]I.e. sidle [D]out of the store gingerl[Am]y - [C]embrace the [F]margin.[D] [Am] [C] [F]
[D]Fat kids with [Am]sausage rolls, [C]poor sods cond[F]ucting polls.[D] [Am] [C] [F]
There's a [D]man with a mullet going [Am]mad with a mallet in [C]Millets[F].[D] [Am] [C] [F]
[D]I try to put everything into [Am]perspective,
[C]Set it against the scale of human [F]suffering
[D]And I thought of the Mu[Am]gabe government
And the [C]children of the Calcutta [F]railways
[D]This works for a [Am]while but then I en[C]counter Primark F[F]M
[D]Overhead a [Am]rainbow ap[C]pears [F]- in black and [E]white.
[D]Shite [Am]Day[C], I guess this [F]must be National [D]Shite [Am]Day[C]
This surely [F]must be National [D]Shite [Am]Day[C]
F D Am C F (Inst D Am C F x8)
Don't tell me it's National Shite Day.
[D]Float[Am], [C] float [F]on. [D]Float,[Am] [C] float [F]on[D] [Am] [C] [F]
[D]Barry[Am] [C] [F] [D]Herpes[Am].[C] [F]
[D]I got a letter from [Am]Stringy Bob
[C]"Still on suicide watch, [F]screws not happy.
[D]Spotted a Marsh Frit[Am]illary during Associ[C]ation
Was [F]roundly ignored;[D] what news you?"[Am] [C] [F]
[D]I felt sorry for him[Am]
He'd only been locked up for [C]public nuisance of[F]fences
[D]One of which saw him beach[Am]combing the Dee Estua[C]ry
Found a dead [F]wading bird, [D]took it home, [Am]parcelled it up
And [C]sent it off to the rubber-faced [F]irritant Phil Cool
[D]With a note inside which [Am]read: "[C]Is this your Sanderling?[F]"[D] [Am] [C] [F]
[D]Another time saw him [Am]answering an advert in the [C]music press[F]
[D]"Keyboard player req[Am]uired - [C]Doors, [F]Floyd, etc.
[D]Must be committed[Am]; no time waste[C]rs"[F] - you can guess the [D]rest[Am].[C] [F]
[D]I'd always im[Am]agined he would simply wander [C]off some day into the [F]hills
[D]To be found months [Am]later, his carcass [C]stripped by homeless [F]dogs
His [D]exposed skull a [Am]perch for the quartering [C]crow[F] [D] [Am] [C] [F]
I [D]folded away the letter and [Am]put it in my inside [C]pocket[F]
[D]All of a sudden I [Am]felt brushed by the wings of something [C]dark[F] [D] [Am] [C] [F]
[D]May the Lord have [Am]mercy on Stringy [C]Bob.[F] [E]
[D]Shite [Am]Day[C], I do bel[F]ieve it's National [D]Shite [Am]Day[C]
It all [F]points to National [D]Shite [Am]Day[C]
Someone's de[F]clared it National [D]Shite [Am]Day[C].[F] [E]
[D]Shite [Am]Day[C], my birth[F]day on National [D]Shite [Am]Day[C]
No bog [F]roll, it's National [D]Shite [Am]Day[C]
F D Am C F (D Am C F to fade)
Cue drum roll, it's National Shite Day.
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