Letters Sent Half Man Half Biscuit
Keeper you've just made a decent save
So why d'you feel the need to rant and rave?
[A]Screaming at defenders makes you look dead stupid
Especially when they haven't done much [E]wrong.
[B]Please [A]cease the [E]trait.
Thank you to whoever found my purse
Also when I fell, the passing nurse
[A]And when in my coma as I tried to bludgeon
Chartist demonstrators in the [E]square.
[B]Those [A]on the [E]ward, [B]yours [A]much res[E]tored.
I disagree entirely with your choice
Peetie Wheatstraw has a better voice
I'd [A]like to warn your readers; Stapeley Water Gardens
A nice day out but best to take a [E]flask.
[B]Dear [A]Miss Mc[E]Veigh, it [B]pains [A]me to [E]say
The [B]school [A]choir was [E]dull and the [B]blame [A]lies with [E]you.
Sewage farm an absolute disgrace
Picnic table somewhat out of place
[A]Leisure Centre cashpoint always out of order
And there's too much chlorine in the [E]pool.
[B]Thir[A]teen ac[E]ross - [B]where [A]was the [E]clue?
[B]Bird [A]on the [E]wire - [B]Len, [A]you're the [E]dogs.