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Kenesaw Mountain Landis  Jonathan Coulton

D xx0232
G 3x0003
Em 022000
A7 x02020
A x02220
Bm x24432
[F#] [244322]  
Verse 1
[D]Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a [G]bad mother fucker
He was [D]seventeen feet tall, he had a [Em]hundred and fifty [A7]wives
He [D]didn't do that much except he [G]saved the game of baseball
He put [D]two and two to[G]gether and he [D]noticed it was [A7]four
Now the [D]treachery of [G]Shoeless Joe can't [D]hurt us any[A7]more
D G A7 D A(break)
And he'll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Verse 2
[D]Fellow named Joe Jackson was a [G]fielder for the Black Sox
And he [D]always wore his black socks, but he [Em]never wore no [A7]shoes
He [D]weren't the nicest fellow and he [G]had a couple problems
Cause he [D]drank a lot and he [G]beat his wife and he [D]always acted [A7]rude
He [D]killed and ate some [G]babies and he [D]copped an [A7]attitude
D G A7 D A(break)
And the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Bridge 1
[Bm]Mafia said Shoeless Joe
[F#]You should really run this show
[D]You should be the guy who owns baseball
And [Bm]all you really gotta do
Is [F#]help us make a buck or two
[D]We'll bet on the [G]other [A7]team
You'll [D]lose the game but [G]make it [A7]seem
Like [D]nothing could be [G]further from the [A7]truth
Verse 3
[D]Shoeless Joe did what they said he [G]dropped a couple fly balls
And he [D]walked up to the pitcher and he [Em]poked him in the [A7]eye
And [D]in the seventh inning with the [G]Black Sox nearly beaten
There was [D]someone who was [G]watching from his [D]blimp above the [A7]stands
[D]Cradling a [G]rifle in his [D]thick and meaty [A7]hands
D G A D A(break)
And as if you hadn't guessed yet it was Kenesaw Mountain Landis
Bridge 2
[Bm]Kenesaw said drop that glove
[F#]Or I swear by God above
[D]I'll make you regret playing baseball
[Bm]Shoeless Joe looked up and saw
[F#]The silver rifle's gaping maw
[D]Though no one had [G]noticed [A7]yet
His [D]underwear was [G]getting [A7]wet
He [D]peed himself in [G]front of every[A7]one
Slow Verse
[D]Shoeless Joe was finished but he [G]couldn't quite admit it
So he [D]raised his middle finger up a[Em]bove the other [A7]four
[D]Kenesaw took careful aim and [G]fired a single bullet
And he [D]shot that dirty [G]finger off and he [D]dropped his trusty [A7]gun
And [D]everybody [G]in the stands [D]knew that he had [A7]won
And [D]today they still refer to him as [G]Kenesaw [A7]Mountain [D]Landis
Final Verse
[D]Shoeless Joe left baseball and [G]became a famous pop star
And he [D]asked the musical question is she [Em]really going [A7]out with [D]him
He had a couple albums and a [G]comeback in the 80's
But he [D]never won a [G]Grammy and he [D]never was the [A7]same
And he [D]never could be [G]satisfied with [D]critical ac[A7]claim
Cause the [D]critics all confused him with the [G]great [A7]Elvis Co[D]stello[A7]
Yes the [D]critics all confused him with the [G]great El[A7]vis Co[D]stello

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