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A History Lesson  Stephen Lynch

Stephen:
I have to do the vocals for Medieval Bush.
Friends:
Why?
Stephen:
Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff
and the medieval period ended at the beginning
of the 16th century.
Friends:
So thats 1500's.
Wait! So how do you know this?
Stephen:
Cause I used to be a teacher.
Friends:
(Laugh)You used to be a teacher?
Stephen:
Yes.
Friends:
Professor?
Stephen:
No, I taught elementary school and I got fired
because I had an unorthodox way of teaching which
is I would bring in my guitar and...
I never told you this?
Friends:
No!
Stephen:
I would bring in my guitar and I would sing the
lessons to the children.
Friends:
Of course you did.
Stephen:
I am dead serious.
Friends:
Yes.
Stephen:
I am. Alright, alright hold on I'll give you one
of the... Let me remember.
Alright here's one I remember, okay?
This is Ben Franklin.
Am C 2x
[Am]Ben Franklin went [C]out one night,
[Am]Tied a key to the [C]end of a kite,
[Am]Electricity s[C]truck so bright,
Dm Am (-> not sure about this one)
Write it down muthafuckas
Friends:
You called the kids motherfuckers?
Stephen:
Some of them were motherfuckers, yes.
Friends:
Science
Stephen:
Ummm... okay!
[Am]Issac Newton sat [C]under a tree,
[Am]An apple hit him in the [C]head so he,
[Am]Said holy shit that's [C]gravity,
[Dm]Write it down muthafuc[Am]kas
Stephen:
I have a million of these.
Friends:
Then why don't you do the pilgrims?
Stephen:
Okay... hey now and...
[Am]Pilgrims raced aga[C]inst the clock,
[Am]Looking for a[C] place to dock,
[Am]They said fuck it here's [C]Plymouth Rock,
[Dm]Write it down mutha[Am]fuckas.
Friends:
I don't like the fact that you are implying that the
pilgrims were lazy.
Stephen:
I'm not implying anything.
Friend:
Wright Brothers.
Oooh that's a good one.
Stephen:
Uh...
[Am]A dude named [C]Orville Wright,
[Am]Told his bro lets [C]invent flight,
[Am]So Wilbur said "ig[C]ht",
[Dm]Write it down mutha[Am]fuckas
Stephen:
Yes, yes Wilbur said "ight"
Friend:
Wilbur said "ight"?
Stephen:
In my story he did.
Friend:
Wilbur was street in your story?
Stephen:
That's right.
Friend:
Word.
Stephen:
See, you can't stump me
Friend:
Slavery?
Stephen:
Uh there is nothing funny about slavery... well...
[Am]Abe Lincoln [C]lead the nation,
[Am]Freed slaves form [C]the plantation,
[Am]And made some motha[C]fuckin' proclamation,
[Dm]Write it down ana[Am]nem-ops.
Friend:
Gandhi!
Stephen:
Uh... I did not have a Ghandi one. Uh...
Alright hold on, hold on, hold on.
Gandhi... Uh... alright.
(Slowly)
[Am]Gandhi is [C]what you said,
[Am]An Indian with [C]a bald head,
[Am]And he was a bit [C]under fed,
[Dm]Write is down mutha[Am]fuckas!
Stephen:
See?! Yeah! Fired from that job!
Friend:
Your a genius.
 
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I think this is correct. If you don't think it sounds right,
by all means correct me. :-)
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