Guitar chord forum - chordie — JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (PapaTom) — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 13:48:18 +0000

In the 80's, when synths kicked in and killed the music business for acoustic instrumentalists, we used to toss this one around:

Q. What's the definition of an "optimist?"
A. A trombonist with a beeper.

This era was very hot for wedding bands. Here in New York, the agencies that booked "pick-up" bands (throw- togethers that actually sounded very good sometimes) they could never find enough "leaders" for these bands. Often, the band leader would be some obnoxious, arrogant dude with extremely limited vocal ability but an appropriately large set of cojones to handle all the corny MC work and, perhaps, yell his way through the wedding couple's first dance. One of the most popular jokes to emerge from this era was:

Q. What's the difference between a wedding band and a bull?
A. A bull has the horns up front and the a-hole in the back.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (bensonp) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:58:47 +0000

that's a good one gitardocphil.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (gitaardocphil) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:53:51 +0000

HELLO EVERYBODY: I AM BACK AFTER 7 WEEKS.

G.W. BUSH is visiting Great Britain. You know the "drill": security, more security, and a lot more security because Queen Elisabeth and G.W. are driving through London in a chariot with 6 beautiful horses. Big Bush smile, and nature calls: one of the horses lift up his tail and bbbrrrrrrr (a big huge Ft). The Queen very embarrassed sais: My apologies for this incident, and Bush answers: OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF THE HORSES.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (manicbassman) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:38:05 +0000

can a bassist and his gear fit in the vocalist's car?

no, the vocalist's car is full with just the microphone, stand and towel...

funny how there's always room to squeeze a vocalist in to a bassists car though...

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (Zurf) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:04:12 +0000

Loved that one Chordmentor!

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (wlbaye) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 01:10:29 +0000

Ray Melton wrote:

John Hyatt wrote a song about people smashing instruments called "Perfectly Good Guitar" listen to the lyrics..brilliant.
wlbaye wrote:
Toots,
I hate to say it but I don't like to see any instruments destroyed in the name of humor or entertainment. Destroying a guitar is a sin and I would like to slap the guy silly that breaks one thinking he's cool !
There I got that off my chest.

Right on Ray,

"There oughta be a law with no bail, smash a guitar you go to Jail" John Hiatt

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (klbrackin) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:38:05 +0000

Louden Wainright III also had one titled "Red Guitar". At least he feels remorse at the end of the song.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (Ray Melton) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:27:53 +0000

John Hyatt wrote a song about people smashing instruments called "Perfectly Good Guitar" listen to the lyrics..brilliant.

wlbaye wrote:

Toots,
I hate to say it but I don't like to see any instruments destroyed in the name of humor or entertainment. Destroying a guitar is a sin and I would like to slap the guy silly that breaks one thinking he's cool !
There I got that off my chest.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (tubatooter1940) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 22:46:50 +0000

elsietheundescribable, that last joke you wrote reminded me of:
Whaddya get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
toots

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (elsietheundescribable) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:09:34 +0000

How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?
Put some sheet music in front of them.
How do you make them cry?
Put some notes on it.
What's the last thing a drummer says to his bandmates?
Hey guys, listen to this song I wrote.
What will you never ever hear on a band's tour bus?
Wait! Turn back, we forgot the drummer!
What do you call a drummer without a car?
A Drummer.
What do you call a drummer with a car?
A drummer with a girlfriend.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
And, the cheesiest of all,
What do you get when a piano falls down a mine?
A flat minor.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (Linusguitar) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:53:09 +0000

That video is brutal. I don't hate to say it. Shame on those men. I'd have taken it!!!!!

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (wlbaye) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 02:14:48 +0000

Toots,

I hate to say it but I don't like to see any instruments destroyed in the name of humor or entertainment. Destroying a guitar is a sin and I would like to slap the guy silly that breaks one thinking he's cool !

There I got that off my chest.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (tubatooter1940) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:47:05 +0000

This video broke my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfbEiQHrqjk

toots

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (patrickthered) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:19:11 +0000

My boss who has had the pleasure of me entertaining clients with my guitar is fond of telling me....

'You're playing all the right notes, just not in the right order'.

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

null@example.com (tubatooter1940) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:56:04 +0000

A few misinterpeted musical terms:

Accidentals - wrong notes
Augmented fifth - a 36 ounce bottle
Cadence - when everybody wants you to stop and you don't
Final Cadence - when they force you to stop
Cut time - when you're going twice as fast as everybody else
Interval - how long it took you to find the right note
Intonation - singing through one's nose
Pizzicato - a small Italian pie garnished with cheese, anchovies, etc...
Virtuoso - a musician with high morals