Topic: swept away

https://soundcloud.com/mojo01/swept-away
I have to start writing happier songs unfortunately it seems to be the bad things in life that inspire me. I guess it just my way of getting it out of my system. any way I am no good at naming tunes either I am open to suggestions on the name

out of tune out of key and out of touch

Re: swept away

(Em)I got caught in a (G)rising tide
(D)got swept away had no(Em) where to hide
I could not swim against the currents of life
I could not save myself much less my wife
I was not there when you needed me
on the tide I got swept out to sea
some times I cant find myself
like a broken toy I just sit on the shelf
like a wisp of smoke from a bridge I've burned
an old familiar ghost he has returned
like a specter returned from the grave
fads away like the things that you crave
the things you wanted and the things you need
were blown away I did not hear your plea
in my silence I built a wall
I made you beg I made you crawl
here comes that tide its rising again
when will I learn will I make it all end
I got caught in a rising tide
got swept away had nowhere to hide

out of tune out of key and out of touch

Re: swept away

Nice job, and a good balance between vocals and guitar.

I love the line: "An old familiar ghost he has returned". I have a cat called Ghost who has been missing for four days. I was reading and listening to this just after I had just found her, hungry, thirsty, but safe.    smile

Roger

"Do, or do not; there is no try"

Re: swept away

I think you write some really good songs that make  you  stop  and  listen ,the style  is  great   keep  em coming

Re: swept away

Mojo ...

That's a very well-written song, describing the regrets most of us carry through life. Your line "like a wisp of smoke from a bridge I've burned" is first-class, along with the rest of the song. I agree with Graham ... keep 'em coming.

6 (edited by TIGLJK 2015-05-20 10:36:48)

Re: swept away

Joe,

excellent writing again !!

funny how we all see different lines as  " the one"   or the hook

I like the line " like a broken toy I just sit  on the shelf"

you are a very talented lyricist with terrific insight !

Jim

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke

Re: swept away

Jim to me it is interesting to see what lines other people like compared to the ones I like the best. some of the lines to me are not that good but hey you have to filler.
thanks every one for the  compliments

out of tune out of key and out of touch

8 (edited by Cocktailsfor2 2015-06-12 13:45:06)

Re: swept away

I quite enjoyed it, but I have a coupla qualms/nitpicks/critiques about some of the lyrics:

like a specter returned from the grave
fads[sic] away like the things that you crave

IMO, "returning" sounds better than "returned" both meter-wise and descripitvely, and

in my experience, the things that I crave don't fade away for a long time - indeed, they get stronger before they get weaker...

I know you're fitting words into a space, and it's never easy to get things to flow as smoothly as we hear them in our head... I hope you won't take this as a dis of the song itself (it's not - I like the song, it's just that that phrase jumped out at me on first listen. It's entirely possible that if I weren't reading the lyrics while listening that I wouldn't have noticed it, but I was reading along, so...

The other one I noticed was

were blown away I did not hear your plea

...since you have been speaking of water and tides, perhaps "washed away" would fit better than "blown away"?

We can beat them just for one day
We can be heroes just for one day

RIP Bowie