• Registered: 2009-03-23
  • Posts: 9

Topic: The City

This is MY song that I made up. Please tell me what you think and how I could change it.
Its a Rock song

THE CITY


Saw a man in the street

Was kickin' a can

Saw another on the bus

Lotta' money in his hand



Hard to find a place without cash

Hard to find a place without trash

Looking for a place to crash

In the City

Yeah the City



Raining down on me

Flooding in my cage

Electrical sockets shock me

Head all full of rage



Breaking out of the phone booth

Snapping into the photo shoot

Spending some cash to buy a new suit

In the City

Yeah the City



In the City

Yeah the City In the City

Yeah the City In the City

Yeah the City In the City

Yeah the City In the City

Yeah the City

  • KajiMa
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Glastonbury
  • Registered: 2009-03-24
  • Posts: 608

Re: The City

Hey again Mike_28!

WOW! This is excellent!

Suggestions? It doesn't need changing! Rock songs are usually quite up tempo and you might find another verse useful to fill things out; perhaps bringing it back to the opening comparison of the haves and have nots? You know your plans and it might mean my comments for additions are pointless (tempo, solos, etc).

Look forward to hearing this if/when you record it!

Good on yer! An excellent piece of work! cool

<-----<< On an even field, only talent prevails! >>----->
   Gans Gwarak da yn dorn yu lel, gwyr lowen an golon!
        >>-----> [color=#FF0000]Rudhes[/color] hag [color=yellow]Owres[/color], Kajima <-----<<
  • Registered: 2009-03-23
  • Posts: 9

Re: The City

thanks a lot smile