Topic: Feet

this is a poem in the style of Peatle Jville, or Pete. It's based on an actual conversation I had with a young(ish) lady some time ago. Some is actual, most is padding. Please don't take offense as this is meant to be humourous in a Monty Python kind of way


I once met a young lady in distress.
She said "I have ugly feet."
I said..."what?"
" My feet are ugly"
I said "What?"
"I'm so upset" she cried.
I said " but feet are made for walking."
"And for running, and for standing on."
She mumbled: "I've painted my nails. I've shaped them and filed them."
I've washed them and scraped off the hard skin."
"They're still Ugly!"
I said: "but feet are made for for climbing."
"For kicking. And for wearing shoes!"
"Maybe so," she said, "but they're still ugly."
I looked at her legs and said...
"Well to be honest, they match your pins...
"They're long and they're thin and not at all pleasant."
"Oh great, "she cried, i think I'll cure it by cutting them off."
Had I made things worse?

"Don't do that," I said, " that will make you...
"A low down bum! And that is for sitting on." 

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

2 (edited by Peatle Jville 2021-06-22 21:21:57)

Re: Feet

Good one Phill.
I once met a man who couldn’t speak.

Sadly he couldn’t reach his peak.

He couldn’t even make a squeak.

His shoulders were his peak.

Didn’t need a pillow.

Had no eyes to close.

Or nose between the eyes.

He never told lies.

He believed in the  truth,

Didn’t need  a dentist as  he had no tooth’s.

He was always going to be poor.

Never own a house and more.

As he could never get a head.

He never got embarrassed.

His face never went red.

Its not easy not having a head.

Re: Feet

that has to be a cross between Edward Lear and John Lennon with a little of the Goodies in the mix.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the floor
a spoon in his hand
and an eye on the door
the king with his guard
rode silently by
soldiers at the ready
to dip in his eye
ah yes, said the queen
an egg of great proportions
an egg and spoon race
to my Sundae devotions
toast with red jam
marmite with real spam
but the wall is devoid
of the giant ovoid
he lays on the floor
like the hens do next door
yet his shell is full cracked
it seems the poor egg was whacked
by a hungry buffoon
and an old cricket bat

and that's the end of that.tarah     

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

4 (edited by Peatle Jville 2021-06-23 00:07:48)

Re: Feet

Good Knight
Sir Phill
Your a  scribe and a scholar.
You give this page a good fill.
From the Capital of this  new said land.
I wish you good will.
And a shake of the hand.   
Keep up your writing.
My good man.

Re: Feet

Sir Phill and Sir Peatle
if shes a girl of independent means
why the hell does she wear ripped jeans
money cant buy you taste
follow the sheep what a waste
as she walks i see her knees
on a day like this she gonna freeze     

The King Of Audio Torture

Re: Feet

My two antipodean lords,

Her belly is full, but her mind it was empty
Her lips plump with collogen
Promise of plenty
Chicken wings in places I'm too polite to mention
Max Factor got rich on her ageing intervention
She's a modern young lady like many around her
Tattoos and piercings
And coke to support her
A victim of fashion
She follows each trend
Mod, punk and goth
A fake to the end     

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: Feet

Hey Sir Phill,we must have seen the same woman?     

The King Of Audio Torture

8 (edited by Peatle Jville 2021-06-24 09:16:25)

Re: Feet

There was a girl who had a ring in her nose.
And one in her belly.
She served vegetarian food .
From her trendy Deli.
Even though she was sweet.
With plenty to eat.
I prefer plates with meat.
Young men who saw her.
Bowed down at her feet.
Not for me.
The  thought of trying to kiss her feet.
As sadly her feet might be smelly.
And wouldn't go down well when I ate meat.
I loved her Deli.
All colorful  was her special jelly.
She served with cream, coffee and something sweet.
Maybe she should have a show on tele.
The girl with the deli.
And sweet looking feet.

Re: Feet

Give em a foot and they'll take a mile
Give them a laugh but they'll never smile
Try to be friendly they'll just spit in your face
Give them your time but it's just a waste.

They try to be clever they're just blowing gas
Not from their mouth but out of their...nether regions
They can't say the truth well they have their reasons
Their not human beings, their just politicians.     

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

10 (edited by TIGLJK 2021-06-25 21:16:02)

Re: Feet

Last one by Phill was spectacular...
others were cleverly great !
I'll give it a go, but as you now know
I arrived at this party, fashionably late
(and no where near as good as any of the previous)

There once was a girl from down under
she loved to make love in rain and thunder
in the town it always raised such a stir
because many a married man obliged her
Her cousin of course hailed from Wales
quite the opposite, so proper without fail
but one night in a pub, drank scotch from a tub
and lost her standing among good girls of the club.

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke

11 (edited by Peatle Jville 2021-06-25 22:35:28)

Re: Feet

There was a clever man from the ewe  ess of aye.

When he brings his words into play.

Always manages to make my day.

He’s a bit of country a bit of rock and roll.

And on the whole a good soul.

He has many words.

Some based on history.

Some based on mystery.

With his guiding  wizardry.

There is no  defeat.

A kid with feet can kick a winning goal.