Topic: FLATUATION

I was looking through some old files and found this. I wrote it years ago while working night shift. Our crew were eating lunch and the topic of " intestinal gas" came up with everyone telling a funny story about their experiences. One guy had been invited to dinner by the family of a girl he was dating. During dinner he had a "release" and was never invited back again. Another guy once attended a business meeting when his "release" was mistaken for a leak in a gas line and the room was evacuated. Afterward I jotted down these lines, trying to think of words that rhymed with "flatuation".  I've occasionally recited it while strumming a few chords while around a campfire. Of course adult beverage are usually involved........

                             FLATUATION

Flatuation, per my observations
Is an odoriferous emanation
It's not like radiation

Flatuation, during dinner conversation
Can be an embarrassing situation
No more dinner invitations

Flatuation at a business presentation
Can lead to consternation
And possible evacuation

Flatuation can be the savior of our nation
And help with energy conservation
From bovine methane reclamation

But does flatuation, during incarceration
Prevent unwanted penetration
Or just act as lubrication

End of conversation 

I want to read my own water, choose my own path, write my own songs

Re: FLATUATION

intresting and factual song about the gasification of legumes,  reminded me of the old tune beans beans their good for your heart     

out of tune out of key and out of touch

Re: FLATUATION

Dirty Ed
enjoyed your poem,i`m kinda partial to a good fart myself
would love to see/hear more of your writings     

The King Of Audio Torture

Re: FLATUATION

Based on your recurring final syllable, could we perhaps say that farting is a way of ion-izing the air? lol     

Re: FLATUATION

Made me laugh especially the reference to the beans segment in Blazing Sadles! I got a little off topic on the last verse though???     

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: FLATUATION

This is so good  and laughable too. Read it twice and then let a friend who stayed with us for a few days read it too. He laughed ever time he thought of it so I finally ran him a copy of it to keep.     

Music is what feelings sound like.
Music is life, that why our hearts have beats.

7 (edited by TIGLJK 2019-07-03 15:43:30)

Re: FLATUATION

EB
Put the words to the music of Mason Williams - Classical Gas!!   
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vXtywOlayc

Good one my friend!

Jim

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke

8 (edited by easybeat 2019-07-04 01:20:26)

Re: FLATUATION

`TIG
i guess if our chordie friend ``classical guitar`` farted that would be ``classical gas`` 
great subject you started Ed

The King Of Audio Torture

9 (edited by Peatle Jville 2019-07-04 10:19:50)

Re: FLATUATION

Dirty Ed that is brilliant clever writing  made me laugh. Here in New Zealand we call farting " Dropping Your Guts." Sometimes fact is funnier than fiction when it comes to our politicians. Here in New Zealand it was sugested by the Green Party that because some scientists had a theory about cows  gas emmisions of methane gas it needed to be taxed. The theory was cows gas emmisions were  contributing to Global warming. So the government of the time looked into introducing what became known as a Fart Tax.  Farmers blocked the streets of New Zealand's capital, Wellington,  in protest at plans to impose the world's first "fart tax" on livestock flatulence.  Four hundred farmers with 20 tractors rallied outside parliament. An opposition MP led a cow named Energy up the steps of our parliament  building. Eventually the politicians realised it  was a stupid idea to try and  impose  this tax.

Re: FLATUATION

Peatle, that is hilarious. Sad that politicians would come up with such an idea, but still hilarious.  I suppose you could say their ideas finally ended up as "laughing gas".  roll     

I want to read my own water, choose my own path, write my own songs

Re: FLATUATION

I remember sometime ago the report that there was a big hole in the ozone layer above Australia, partly due to live stock partly due to alcohol "breath" passed by larger drinkers!

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: FLATUATION

awesome ! thanks     

Re: FLATUATION

beans beans their good for your heart the more you eat the more you fart the more you fart the better feel so lets eat some beans at every meal


author anonymous     

out of tune out of key and out of touch

Re: FLATUATION

AWWW MAN THAT LAST STANZA! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL     

"YOU GRAVITATE TO THE GUITARIST YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE" -- Chris Broderick, Megadeth
I guess you guys are going to get Scotty the metalizer,  punk style.