• From: Wellington New Zealand
  • Registered: 2010-03-24
  • Posts: 1,346

Topic: The BOX

this started life as a lyric,but quite quickly turned into something else.
it`s not a poem and not sure it would work as a lyric?
THE BOX
on the 3rd day of digging in the south field
i came upon something buried deep in the ground
it was a BOX,thinking little of it, i loaded it on my truck
later that day as i headed home
the ride home had dislodged some of the dirt
so by the time i unloaded it,it`s shape was starting to appear
curiosity getting the better of me
i decided to investigate further
as more dirt came away i soon realized this was no ordinary box
on the sides were what appeared to be some strange carvings
also some painting,colours dulled by the passing of time
as i brushed and cleaned, my excitement rose
selecting a tool i decided it was time to try and open the lid
the metal on the clasp and hinges was not like any metal i had seen before
although it must have been very old it still held the shine of new
i inserted the tool and leveraged the lid
after much creaking and groaning the lid finally gave
sunlight flooded in,in what must have been for the first time in many many years
i removed the lid and looked inside 

The King Of Audio Torture
  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,649

Re: The BOX

you're not going to leave it like that are you? as you say, i don't think it would work as a song or poem but it is the start of a great adventure story. what does the open box reveal? where will the contents take you? another world? another time? come on get writing.     

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • TIGLJK
  • Honoured Member
  • Offline
  • Registered: 2010-05-11
  • Posts: 3,166

Re: The BOX

EB
I agree  with Phill - you can't do this!

It's like working all night to get that first kiss and with lips a millimeter away - turn your head and walk away. smile

Great suspense !   I think with some work it could become lyric.

Jim     

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke
  • From: Wellington New Zealand
  • Registered: 2010-03-24
  • Posts: 1,346

Re: The BOX

Tig
Phill and Peatle encouraged me to add more.i was pretty happy just letting it hang.
But overnight another couple of chapters popped into my head,so i`ve finished it off.     

The King Of Audio Torture
  • From: Scott County, Virginia, U.S.A.
  • Registered: 2008-03-19
  • Posts: 794

Re: The BOX

OK, I'm hooked, all ya gotta do is reel me in!  Great writing EB, I want to hear the rest of the story.  My wife and I used to hike deep into the Appalachian mountains and came across many old abandoned houses, each one held long forgotten treasures of those who once lived there. You're writing brought back memories of those times.     

Live in the "now" - a contentment of the moment - the past is gone - the future doesn't exist - all we ever really have is now and it's always "now".