1 (edited by TIGLJK 2020-12-30 22:04:58)

Topic: Poem: Wretched Lives - maybe a song somehow ?

I  thought I'd try writing something that might go into punk, gothic, heavy metal or something like that. (probably b/c Phill told me I was too "mushy " in my last song  smile )
But since I have no clue to how the music of that genre is written - I'll leave to some one else.
(maybe a hint to Beamer or someone ? smile  )

I don't know - but it was kid of fun writing it.
any comments or ideas to improve it would be appreciated
Jim

Wretched Lives

Verse 1
Not a demon to expose your flaws
Nor a savage beast with bloody claws
only your worst fears, fallen into place
when you've lost it all and life’s a waste

Verse 2
gripped by the  loneliness of a silent curse
constant reminders , make things worse
when you don't believe it, but yet you know
there’s no one to hold and nowhere to go

Chorus
such is the fate of those with wretched lives
hopelessly waiting for their ships to arrive
too scared to be bold, and face the cruel facts
and haunted by visions of what their lives lack

Verse 3
Hurry to nowhere, like the aimless winds blows
In search of  comfort that someone else knows
every hour that passes, and faith slips away
Dreading the darkness , which brings a new day

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke

Re: Poem: Wretched Lives - maybe a song somehow ?

Those are some pretty dark lyrics Jim.  As my youngest daughter used to say, punk and heavy metal "scare my ears", so I'm no help with those genres.

P.S. There's nothing wrong with being "mushy".  hmm     

I want to read my own water, choose my own path, write my own songs

Re: Poem: Wretched Lives - maybe a song somehow ?

Jim, oh Jim! I'm so sorry if you thought I was being critical, it wasn't meant that way. We all write what's in our hearts and mind at the time. But however it made you feel it's made you come up with some excellent lyrics, frightening...maybe, rock or punk? Not so much. I think it's an easy going country/rock/pop  song.

I'm not into punk or thrash rock by the way, I'm more of a country rock kinda guy. I haven't tried playing the song yet....I'll let you know how I get on.

Hope you had a good Christmas and an early(?) happy new year to you and you ever expanding family.     

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: Poem: Wretched Lives - maybe a song somehow ?

Jim. I've read and added chords and it's not at all a punk song, maybe Beamer would punk it up a bit? As usual I've changed a word or two to make it easier to sing.

Wretched Lives.Undefined



(INTRO; C-Cmaj7-Am-F)


Verse 1


[C] Not a demon to [Cmaj7] expose your flaws


[Am] Nor a savage beast with [Fmaj7] bloody claws


[G] Only your worst fears, [Em] fallen into place


[F] When you've lost it all and [Fm] life’s a waste.


It's a [C] nightmare. [Cmaj7-Am-F]


Verse 2


[C] Gripped by the  loneliness of a [Cmaj7] silent curse


[Am] With constant reminders that [Fmaj7] make things worse


[G] When you don't believe it, but [Em] yet you know


[F] There’s no one to hold and [Fm] nowhere to go


Chorus




[C] Such is the [G] fate of those with [F] wretched lives


[Ab] Hopelessly waiting for their [Bb] ships to arrive



[C]Scared to be [G] bold, and face the [F] cruel facts


And [Fm] haunted by visions of what their lives lack.


It's a nightmare (INTRO)






Verse 3


[C] Hurry to nowhere, like the [Cmaj7] aimless winds blows


In [Am] search of some comfort that [Fmaj7] someone else knows


With [G] every hour that passes, and [Em] faith slips away


[F] Dreading dark of night, that then [Fm] brings a new day


[G] When you don't believe it, but [Em] yet you know


[F] There’s no one to hold and [Fm] nowhere to go.




(CHORUS)





     

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: Poem: Wretched Lives - maybe a song somehow ?

Jim you are a craftsman with words I love those lyrics.  The chorus also is perfect. That is worth an A+

such is the fate of those with wretched lives
hopelessly waiting for their ships to arrive
too scared to be bold, and face the cruel facts
and haunted by visions of what their lives lack     

Re: Poem: Wretched Lives - maybe a song somehow ?

Tig
great to see you writing something different to your usual.
i think it has really paid off on this one.
look forward to you mixing it up more often.
Phill has done a cracking job with it.     

The King Of Audio Torture

7 (edited by beamer 2021-01-08 05:39:54)

Re: Poem: Wretched Lives - maybe a song somehow ?

First off, thank for the shout-out on this one guys. you know me!  Jim I like all this and yes I think i can Metalize and punk it up quite well!  I have a friday night project now big_smile

I will give it a definate go! right up my ally!  Im reading this in Bm or Am . Im hearing a possible DropC# and very heavy hints of Iron Maiden style vocals. 

weith your chorus relating to nightmare,  there is a song NIGHTMARE by Avenged 7 Fold, I think you might like it. Its not super heavy and its got a great groove.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zci2ilhf4UE  I did the lyrics version for ya.

Zen guitar is nothing more than playing the song we’re all born with inside - The one that makes us human.

–Phil Toshio Sudo
Author of Zen Guitar