• Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Topic: Blushing Angel.

This is a piece i wrote some time ago . Ive  altered and rewritten some of it.
I would like to know what you writers think of this piece please.
Thank You"


Open hands to receive, inside your mind you find reprieve
Castled kings behind bars, outstretched hand pointing stars.

Queenly bee has taken flight, left her domain for sunburst sights
While kings by 2 with crowns turned down build castles in the air.

Aeroplanes, Cactus Thorns, creativity as day is long
Where dragons fly, or Hover Bees, The master takes to flight

Oh you so proud of your domain, release the kings, release the pain
Play life’s cards your hearts desires, working to inspire.   


Spanish dancer stomping feet, outside your balustrade
Her feet, you own as her soul, the music of your trade.

Peruse or stare we need to see, crafted image wizardry
Life awaits, empty frames, Artistic Man your world retains.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • From: Madeira Beach, Florida
  • Registered: 2007-12-05
  • Posts: 3,311

Re: Blushing Angel.

Doll - Just glad to see you posting. I've been reading and watching the news about the floods in the Emerald Isle and have been thinking of you. Looks like a mess and I'm glad you're apparently high and dry.

Rule No. 1 - If it sounds good - it is good!
  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: Blushing Angel.

Thank you Topdown.
Your a wee pet for thinking about me being safe.

Up to me garters in water i am lol Its been dreadful. Thankfully
im ok. Some of my country relations are not.  There fiels and towns look like lakes. One of my family members farms  sheep. Now thats a major problem with this rain. 300 acres and hardly access to the animals.
But sure were well known for rain here. The storms were something else though ! I thought every window and door in my Tíg [ house ] was gonna join me inside lol. more rain expected again tomorrow.
I hope the news is good with your Job prospects.

Goodnight from the Emerald sir.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • buvvy
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • Registered: 2008-06-01
  • Posts: 273

Re: Blushing Angel.

Great stuff, Dolly, right up my street. Great writing. The whole world's weather is turning upside down. Over here we are almost in the middle of summer, low 30's every day, the real hot stuff comes in Jan Feb, and out of the blue we have a week of storms and floods. Now that we are back in the 30's, the rest of the country is being washed away, with severe flooding over huge areas.

Keep on Rocking and remember Animals Feel Pain Too.
  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: Blushing Angel.

Failte Buvvy,

Thank you as always for your kind words and comment.

Yes we to are in a crazy situation with flooding. Were used to bad weather here but this is unbelievable.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/no … up-begins.

I believe from every dysfunction we learn something new. ! [ IRISH GOVERMENT TAKE NOTE ! You should all be skullhauled back through the muddy waters to the ballot boxes. You have been aware of this  disaster for to long now.
Connect heart to the head for the people you govern.

I wish you lots of  healthy sunshine Buvvy.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • wlbaye
  • Honoured Member
  • Offline
  • From: Black Hills So Dak
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 1,284

Re: Blushing Angel.

Old Doll,

I have been looking at this piece and just played it in a minor 4 chord progression and think it could use a chorus I played it in a AM  G F E progression

Am                                    G
Open hands to receive, inside your mind you find reprieve

F                                         E
Castled kings behind bars , outstretched hand pointing stars .


Ok, I played it and I thought of  "One more cup of Coffee" by Bob Dylan

The Chorus in "One More Cup Of Coffee"   is short and Just 2 lines that go from    F  to E   F  Back to E   

The point of my babbling being it could be a folk song with no chorus or if you could come up with a 2 line chorus & I think it would be better smile

Anyway I was just thinking smile

Later, Wayne P

wlbaye's Website

  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,649

Re: Blushing Angel.

lena!

just when i thought i understood what you were writing about, you changed tack mid poem!

what a terrific piece of writing though, bees, deck of cards...and flamenco dancers not forgetting the nature aspect...

baffling but brilliant

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: Blushing Angel.

Wlbaye !

Your a wee pet to take the time on this piece. Yes ! I know the song "One more cup of coffee"

I looked at your post earlier and liked what you'd done sir. Ive been out to a  "Departed life in Lights" ceremony tonight.
Beautiful and so moving. So hence the delay getting back to this.

I do have some other lines i hadn't used.

Creating babies like a womb , kaleidoscopes of artistry
Portrait faces some of doom, keep inside your fragile room..

I like the idea of this piece to music. Thank you again.
I will keep you informed. I used to have creative on my old pc. My brother is going to add it to this one for me.
So i may get a  rough recording  done soon.

Thanks for thinking lol

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !