1 (edited by TheOnlyTaylor 2010-07-27 08:40:34)

Topic: Title? I'm still working on it.

I may come back to continue revising it. I find this poem very unorthodox, but it very much describes my mood at the time. I tried to make it scatterbrained, and that's something I want to keep. I would really like to know what anyone might think this poem means. I know exactly what it means to me. I just want to see if it relates.

Screw up.
fix it.
Shut up.

Say something.
But you can't win
fights All but lost
apologies made
all is said and done
Nothings left to gain.

Saying that there's love?
no other soul had so much faith
the love you wished we had
The dreams that brought you pain.
The sight of someone sweet
and the sight of something beautiful...

feeling so inclined to disagree
never chance saying goodbye
So the story goes.
But You can't let go

Screw up.
Shut up.
Fix it.

There is beauty
and its not me
Always ever lost.
Simply there to lose.

no audience required.

Re: Title? I'm still working on it.

Hi TO Taylor, welcome to the Poems section!  What I get from this piece is perhaps the realization that a relationship, which was based on a love that never really existed, is ending.  Seems sometimes two people come together, and stay together, sometimes for a very long time, for reasons other than true, deepset love between the two.  Eventually that reality catches up, expecially when "The sight of someone sweet" draws away the attention.

Good write; a lot said in a little bit.  Keep writing! ~T-Rex

3 (edited by TheOnlyTaylor 2010-07-29 08:55:40)

Re: Title? I'm still working on it.

Yep, that just about hits the mark. The first and the second to the last stanza imply that even though the writer didn't mean to end the relationship, things just kept on getting worse. "dreams that brought you pain." were the hopes that the relationship might actually work out in the end because the other person is seen as beautiful, "There is beauty and its not me" the writer now understands that the relationship was always bound to end, but he/she wasn't willing to let it end, and therefore felt that he/she had to "fix it."

Question: does this poem sound like the perceptive of a  male or female? or is it indifferent?

no audience required.

Re: Title? I'm still working on it.

my 1st, off-the-cuff impression: male