• From: Sioux City, IA
  • Registered: 2010-11-22
  • Posts: 71

Topic: First try at a third-person narrative

Thanks to all your examples of songs using third-person narrative, I decided try and write one for myself.
I just hope I got the formatting right! I didn't include the musical introduction or break between the bridge and the final verse because I wasn't sure how to format that, but the essential information is here.

He Was WrongThird-Person Narrative


4/4 time




[G]When she came into his [Em]life,


[G]Never knew he’d pay a [Em]price.


[F]She’d be just another [C]girl


[F]And he’d take her for a [C]whirl


But he was [D]wrong




[G]Planned to keep her at arm’s [Em]length


[G]Knew he’d always have the [Em]strength


[F]She’ll mean nothing much to [C]him,


[F]Cuz his feelings always [C]dim,


But he was [D]wrong,


Bridge



[C]She gives him [D]love and respect


[C]He gives her [D]hurt and regret


[C]She longs [D]for someone better


[C]He laughs, [D]sure he’ll forget her.




[G]When she finally says good-[Em]bye


[G]He tries to keep her one more [Em]time,


[F]Swears he’ll be the man she [C]needs


[F]Prays those words she will be-[C]lieve


But he was [D]wrong,


And now she’s [G]gone.



  • KAP54
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  • From: London Ontario Canada
  • Registered: 2008-06-04
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Re: First try at a third-person narrative

I like where you are going with this Artless, smile
You need to throw in a strong chorus, to make this feel more complete.

Merry Xmas smile

Ken

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
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  • arkady
  • arkady
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  • Registered: 2006-11-23
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Re: First try at a third-person narrative

Hi Artless
Looks like you've got the third person nailed with these lyrics lots of She's and He's in there.....
Well done getting the Chropro correct.
ark

  • From: Sioux City, IA
  • Registered: 2010-11-22
  • Posts: 71

Re: First try at a third-person narrative

KAP54 wrote:

I like where you are going with this Artless, smile
You need to throw in a strong chorus, to make this feel more complete.

Merry Xmas smile

Ken

Thanks for the advice about adding a chorus! Hadn't thought of that; it'll be something to work on . . . after I get over the stress of formatting the song and actually putting it up for other people to look at--if you know what I mean.

  • From: Sioux City, IA
  • Registered: 2010-11-22
  • Posts: 71

Re: First try at a third-person narrative

arkady wrote:

Hi Artless
Looks like you've got the third person nailed with these lyrics lots of She's and He's in there.....
Well done getting the Chropro correct.
ark

Thanks arkady--it was a challenge to get the Chordie formatting correct, but I'm glad I did it.   By the way,I thought of another third  person song, and this one always brings a tingle to my spine--Gordon Lightfoot's "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." My first girlfriend's father was a ships captain on the Great Lakes,  and knew the captain who went down on the "Big Fitz." He could scare the crap out of you when describing the storms he encountered on Lake Superior.