• From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Topic: broken dream boulevard

Some years ago I was depressed
until I saw you and became obsessed
maybe you were there, right time right place
but never did I forget your face
You spoke to me, I didn't know why
because depressed you feel more reasons to cry
You saw what's happening to me
the problem was, I didn't see
you tried to help, support, I didn't know
I just thought, no, again another show
But slowly I crawled up, and start to think, it's really you
helping me, give a kiss, whispering I love you
I was still so unsure, about those feelings deep in me
did I love you, do I love you and will I love you I couldn't see
watching the future was nothing for me, but day by day, that was my life
did I need you, do I need you, shall I need you to be my wife
you helped me out, you put me back on the ground
but I runned back into my work, neglecting you without 1 sound
I still don't know if this was love, real love, I'll think I'll never know
just because some other problems, running away, I even don't know how
So this feelings, were they deep inside me, was I honest enough to tell
again i draw a circle without an end, I fooled you, and me, couldn't you smell
the perfume of love, coming from deep in me, was it there, will it be there
communication breakdown as result of both or lives, work, work work it seems
was all that matters, me ending again on the boulevard of the broken dreams.

So this are more or less the lyrics, I am using now see previous topic.
As I told, English is NOT my mother tongue, so please HELP ME, give CRITICS, GOOD or BAD, but at least tell me the reason, or maybe better, I really should appreciate if you think that corrections are needed, if the structure is not good. The story is actual a real story. I had all my papers to move to South Africa, and I was really depressed, I still tell to some people: moving to South Africa was like committing suicide, except for the fact that I knew how beautiful life could be, but the intention was to "blow away all the bridges here in my country", just telephone my daughter, and mother that I was there, followed by a period of silence, to put my life back on the tracks, and only keeping contact when the time was there. But that girl came (at first sight) on the right time, we were 7 years together, but I worked hard and late, she worked from 06.00 and returned at 22.00-23.00 and the only time we spend together was on holiday. That's the reason why I doubt about "is there love", and running away, again, using my work as umbrella, she never had time to be with me 1 lousy weekend a month, followed of course by a communication breakdown. The only thing she loved was even not her work, but the $$$$ she earned, and that was a lot.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • From: Wilkes, Georgia
  • Registered: 2007-05-08
  • Posts: 66

Re: broken dream boulevard

wow.powerful does not begin to describe this song..........moving work .....especially like the line "because depressed you feel more reasons to cry".......beautiful

"Fly on Proud Bird, At Last You Are Free"
-Charlie Daniels
  • From: Almancil, Algarve, Portugal
  • Registered: 2006-09-02
  • Posts: 6,198

Re: broken dream boulevard

Hi Phil.

Great lyrics and a very good basis for a song. I suggest that you next break it down into verses and chorus to give your song structure. I do think though that the long lines towards the end may need condensing when you put it to music but you will find that out when you do so.

I am really looking forward to seeing the finished song.

Roger

"Do, or do not; there is no try"

Roger Guppy's Website

  • upyerkilt
  • upyerkilt
  • Unofficial king of Scotland
  • Offline
  • From: Balloch, Scotland, UK, Earth
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 3,290

Re: broken dream boulevard

Hi phil

Great writing there and even more so it is a true story, it makes it that much more special.

But for lyrics for a song? hmmm, if I was you, I would either leave it as it is as a deep meaningful poem or like Roger says, break it into verses.

Maybe make a chorus up that will reflect the whole song and how you felt in one chorus?
or  dont have a chorus and leave it as a story but still break it up and have short instrumental parts inbetween the verses.

Ken

ye get some that are cut out for the job and others just get by from pretending
  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: broken dream boulevard

Hi Docphil,



     STUNNING!  Now I so want to hear the music!! No pressure now!


Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: broken dream boulevard

Well dear "old doll", I really hope that I can start working with my BOSS BR 600, there is a compact flash card, but I don't have a camera. A miracle happened: you know that I earned a lot of $$€€, and spend them too. My guitar collection has tripled in price since end 2004, but slowly, I am starting to come already with my head above the water: tax refund, electricity.. I lost my dad when I was 18 and he only 45, also a MD. My mother told me: it takes 4 years before you can live again, certainly because of the fact that I am so insured that I get more money than my sister and her husband working with 2. I feel ashamed, but I can tell you I paid a fortune for this, and in 99% of the cases this money is really trown away, because you can not be sick as independant worker.
But HYMN FOR MY SOUL (where did I hear this phrase), it makes life easier, but my physical condition will be worse from year to year. Why telling this: there is always hope, and I can come maybe next year to the USA, but it's impossible to travel alone. So I have to take someone with me, but I will just pay his ticket.
Next step: I have so many songs, a lot of "bluesy" a lot of "ballads" even heavy metal, and I try to dig them up out of my subconscience. I started now with a lyric to put a melody around.
Did you try the melody, it is a nice melody, but I admit not that easy, because you have to change the whole song very fast your fingers. I have some more, I can use the chord names or diagrams, but I tried to show how I played it.Thanks a mot, and please I am not afraid of negative critics.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • From: derbyshire
  • Registered: 2007-05-17
  • Posts: 2,843

Re: broken dream boulevard

hi phil it takes a lot to admit your depressed ,i've been there 5yrs back so i know what you've been through ,keep smiling ,keep your chin up and they say music calms the soul well it helps me wind down ....

love is life ,life is for love,keep a true heart and live life to the full....stay cool

daddycool's Website

  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: broken dream boulevard

Yes daddycool, and it is even worse when you are a medical doctor. I knew, speaking of 1997, that something was wrong, I changed girlfriend like pants, and I can see now, in fact since 1998-1999, that I blamed everyone BUT me. Those girls caused the problems, I didn't, you get the picture, while it has been all the time hidden inside me.
I even started to write a manuscript titled THE EXPRESSION of THE IMPRESSION of a DEPRESSION.
It started with a 10 page thick work, people who started to read it, asked me, often in tears, how I knew all those things I wrote "ABOUT THEM". I am aware now, that people who have a real depression, have almost all the same kind of personality, or better attitude to their family, friends. One of the strangest things is: they can not say NO, they want to be loved by everybody, they prefer to run away in stead of communicate. IT WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I EVER HAD. I told you that I have about 120 pages (A4) here in my PC, but I can not earn 1 cent: rules of the insurance, but we are negotiating now. Also, I have to put it all in nice parts and paragraphs and I am thinking about translating the short book (10 A4 pages).
But it is a real disaster a depression, not only for the person who suffers from it, but also for all the people around. Realising that something is wrong is one thing, admitting is another thing, a lot of people don't admit it.
My biggest problem is not my physical problem, but that my mind is restless and busy with 5 things at a time.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website