1 (edited by mekidsmom 2011-09-13 18:54:08)

Topic: Broken on the floor

Okie dokie... here's the VERY QUICK recording so you can get an idea of how I mean for it to sound.  I need to edit this though, it's waaaayyyy too long!  LOL!
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11043812


Broken On The Floor By Amy Wall


[C]I looked across the table and [Em]felt love in my [F]heart


[C]but it was only for a second cuz [Em]then the tears began to [F]start


I [C]wiped them all away and held my [F]breath again




[G]You don't want to see it


[Em]you don't know what to do


[C]The pain flows through my veins as I think that [F]we are through




[C]You don't love me [F]like I need to be [Em]loved ... anymore


[C]You cannot talk me down from the [F]edge and when I fall


you're never there to [Em]Catch me,


I'm like a [F]China Doll


[Em]Broken on the floor


[C]I begged you to open your eyes but you're [Em]busy living your [F]life


[C]That bottle won't take away the pain of [Em]all the things you don't [F]say


[C]I just can't live like this [F]no more



PRE CHORUS


CHORUS




[C]Through trials and tribulations [Em]we keep falling further [F]apart


[C]Yesterday you loved me and [Em] last night your broke my [F]heart


[C]It's not mending sitting in [F]the dark




PRE CHORUS


CHORUS




[C]I'm gonna pick myself up and [Em]dust the pieces [F]off


[C]You are not the glue to put the pieces [Em]back together [F]again


[C]I'm not what you need, sweep me under [F]the rug




PRE CHORUS


CHORUS





Two songs in two years of playing... I've just begun year three so I guess I'll just get it out of the way now.  tongue

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

Re: Broken on the floor

Okay Amy, you china doll you!  Pick up your pieces and get out that Zoom recorder and do us a recording of this so we can get the full gist of what you are putting forth.  I can feel the emotions in the words, but I think a recording of it by you would just make it soooooo much more interesting.  If you don't want to record it for yourself, do it for us?

Find a Path or Make One    This is a motto I have been following my entire life and one I am currently using with my music.
Big Jim from Ashville Ohio

Re: Broken on the floor

Great words amy and chords seem too fit well,will we see you u-tube? You have a really good voice.American Idol bound?

my papy said son your going too drive me too drinking if you dont stop driving that   Hot  Rod  Lincoln!! Cmdr cody and his lost planet airman

Re: Broken on the floor

I like it.  Do as they say and record it for us.  You have hit on a lot of relationships there.

You can see all my video covers on [url]http://www.youtube.com/bensonp1000[/url]
I have finally found happiness in my life.  Guitars, singing, beer and camping.  And they all intertwine wonderfully.

Re: Broken on the floor

hi amy nice to see you writing,great ttopic,lovely lyrics,did'nt quite catch on to the pre chorus bit at the end but i'm sure it will come clear when you've recorded it,well done.....stay cool

love is life ,life is for love,keep a true heart and live life to the full....stay cool

Re: Broken on the floor

wow, you guys are quick!  ha ha!  Ok ok... so I went ahead and did a REALLY quick recording and posted the link above the song on the original post.  It needs some serious work.  I kinda came up with this in a VERY SHORT time frame today... so, take a little pity on the quirks.  smile  THANKS GUYS for your kind comments, and I really would love a little constructive criticism too!  smile

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

Re: Broken on the floor

Amy I could not hear most of it,it went in and out. I know you have agood voice though. maybe you might want to get abetter mic. I am going to get one like pete got.Than you will be American Idol bound!

my papy said son your going too drive me too drinking if you dont stop driving that   Hot  Rod  Lincoln!! Cmdr cody and his lost planet airman

Re: Broken on the floor

Great Song Amy - best we've had on the sw forum in a while.

J  E  T  S
...and yet a Redskins fan ...long story...HTTR

Re: Broken on the floor

That a girl!  That's what I'm talking about!  Wow, there is sure a lot of emotion to the words and I can hear it in your voice.  I think that most of the time the best songs come from somewhere within that we don't express except in the words of a song.  Nice job.  Thanks for taking the time to do this because I never heard it in my head the way you did it and your way was much better than what I was hearing in my head!  My only comment would be that your emphasis on the chorus and putting it in the song four times makes it a pretty long song, but then again, that is what strikes me as the true subject of the song because hurt and fragility scream out in your chorus.

Find a Path or Make One    This is a motto I have been following my entire life and one I am currently using with my music.
Big Jim from Ashville Ohio

Re: Broken on the floor

Bass Viking wrote:

That a girl!  That's what I'm talking about!  Wow, there is sure a lot of emotion to the words and I can hear it in your voice.  I think that most of the time the best songs come from somewhere within that we don't express except in the words of a song.  Nice job.  Thanks for taking the time to do this because I never heard it in my head the way you did it and your way was much better than what I was hearing in my head!  My only comment would be that your emphasis on the chorus and putting it in the song four times makes it a pretty long song, but then again, that is what strikes me as the true subject of the song because hurt and fragility scream out in your chorus.

smile  Thank you for your kind words.  As I read and re-read it a few times, I agreed with you which is why I chose to go ahead and do that quick recording as quickly as possible.  wink  It doesn't look anything like it sounds.  I truly don't know how to express thoughts like that except in song... I suppose that's a problem the "man" in the song also seems to have which makes me question the whole meaning behind the song right now.  BUT that is another story altogeather!  LOL!!

I also agree about the Chorus... it seems as though it's too much, but then... it's where the verses make more sense.  I was thinking of cutting out the verse that starts "Though trials and tribulations" but I really like the line "yesterday you loved me and last night you broke my heart." ... hmmm... maybe I can switch a few of the other lyrics up.  What if I took that verse out and put the one line I like where it reads "I just can't live like this no more" ... it wouldn't shorten it a LOT but it would get it down a little from SIX FREAKING MINUTES!  LOL!

I can honestly say, I've NEVER EVER had a poem, short story, or song come into my mind so quickly and be "completed" in less than 2 hours total ... I had another verse that was there too that I completely scratched.  I guess as a poem it would have been quite long!  LOL... perhaps I could go on forever writing sad stuff.  As I look back on some of my writings over the years that I've saved, my best stuff was always rather miserable.  SIGH!

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

Re: Broken on the floor

Dino - I just have to NOT be in a rush to record, get my surroundings all set up, mic where it belongs, and do a little more editing.  Don't you worry though, I promise I will do this again and have the recording better.  MAYBE even youtube instead of just soundclick.  I still haven't tried hooking my zoom upto the computer and using it as a mic WHILE doing video. 

Jeff - THAT is an AMAZING compliment.  THANK YOU so much!  smile

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

Re: Broken on the floor

amy sorry if we rushed you the parts I did hear showed off you great voice,looking forward too hearing your second attempt.I ordered a mic like petes last night so I hope I will sound decent. I am teaching my grandaughter guitar on camera,they live in south carolina.

my papy said son your going too drive me too drinking if you dont stop driving that   Hot  Rod  Lincoln!! Cmdr cody and his lost planet airman

Re: Broken on the floor

no worries!  VERY cool teaching guitar via webcam! 

I re-recorded it and the link should still work the same (uploaded the song in place of the one that was there).  Let me know if you still have problems, maybe youtube just works better for ya!  smile

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

Re: Broken on the floor

It sounds really good Amy.

You can see all my video covers on [url]http://www.youtube.com/bensonp1000[/url]
I have finally found happiness in my life.  Guitars, singing, beer and camping.  And they all intertwine wonderfully.

Re: Broken on the floor

Still sounds about the same but it is my browser,I can hear you somtimes then you fade out,butI heard it well enough,are you getting ready to go too american idol yet?

my papy said son your going too drive me too drinking if you dont stop driving that   Hot  Rod  Lincoln!! Cmdr cody and his lost planet airman

Re: Broken on the floor

I'm going to blame it on netzero... and realize that I have a personal obligation to you to put everything on youtube else you don't really get to hear it... and since you are one of the crazies that pump me up with compliments on my voice, I have to oblige.  LMAO!  Perhaps I will be able to do this today.  No American Idol for me though... I wouldn't stand a chance, and if Steven Tyler told me I suck as a singer I might never sing again.  That would not be good for all four of my fans!  wink

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

Re: Broken on the floor

To heck with what Steven Tyler might think!  Not sure who you count among your four fans, but if I am not alreade one of them, then you actually have five!  I am sure there are more as well.  Keep up the good work!

Find a Path or Make One    This is a motto I have been following my entire life and one I am currently using with my music.
Big Jim from Ashville Ohio

Re: Broken on the floor

Hey Amy.  I think we have the same number of fans.  Things will get better and our fan base will expand.

You can see all my video covers on [url]http://www.youtube.com/bensonp1000[/url]
I have finally found happiness in my life.  Guitars, singing, beer and camping.  And they all intertwine wonderfully.

19 (edited by mekidsmom 2011-09-16 15:15:02)

Re: Broken on the floor

hmmm... I just checked and I have 22 subscribers to my YouTube page... so, MAYBE I have a couple more than just four fans although I think some of my subscribers have done so out of pity, or maybe to laugh at me, or perhaps just because they are family and I've forced them to do so LOL!  Nonetheless... it's uploading on YT now so it should be available very SOON for my dear internet speed disabled fans at:  http://www.youtube.com/mekidsmom

edit to add available Milli Vanilli style (lipsync to the recording I uploaded to soundclick).  It's been a while since I've put my actress hat on, but I think I did ok.  LOL!

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

20 (edited by dino48 2011-09-16 20:27:26)

Re: Broken on the floor

Great amy I sent you a message thank you for posting it there. I honestly think you shoud try out for american idol! Netzero is slow I am looking for something new. I am sure steven tyler would like you. I am out of here like at the speed of a heard of turtles.!!

my papy said son your going too drive me too drinking if you dont stop driving that   Hot  Rod  Lincoln!! Cmdr cody and his lost planet airman

Re: Broken on the floor

It is great to have the chance to play and sing an original song and then listen to how much better it sounds when performed by the composer.

Great song, great voice well done.

Roger

"Do, or do not; there is no try"

Re: Broken on the floor

Bravo bravo, Amy.  That may go platinum.

You can see all my video covers on [url]http://www.youtube.com/bensonp1000[/url]
I have finally found happiness in my life.  Guitars, singing, beer and camping.  And they all intertwine wonderfully.

Re: Broken on the floor

Amy

I'm way late to the party on this one - what a beautiful song !
I was wondering how you were doing and came across this post - it is amazing.

I hope you are safe and healthy.  Sure wish you would visit us on Chordie again.

Jim     

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke

Re: Broken on the floor

Amy
I agee with Jim that is a beautiful song I am late to the party also. Come back to chordie again Amy  we miss you.
Pete