Topic: WOT - introspective.
I wanted to post this somewhere and NOT on FB due to the individual who I allude too, may see it and get feelings hurt, but I wanted to share it somewhere.
In an attempt to find out about myself I realize I do have one big problem in that yes I do tend to turn conversations towards myself. Only in the very recent few years have I learned this is a form of Narcissistic behavior.
I always thought it was a just because of having felt to shy in the young life, and learned to be somewhat bold. I also did not realize that was how people viewed it. I thought I was just adding to the conversation that I felt I had a bit of bearing on.
So I have made some strides in holding back a bit. And really listening.
I had one instance where there was a definite clash between my form and the female form in the manner of The Minimizing Apology: "I was just . . . "
“I was just kidding.” (Taken from Psychology Today) and I also started to notice some other little mannerisms.
In the effort to not be miss-informed I have looked for explanations of both sides and have found this link to be quite eye opening.
https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted- … rcissists/
I don’t agree with everything this link states but in the extreme bad I am sure it is accurate.
I have been battling with these thoughts since things came to a head with the BLM and DEFUND movements, and the dating life.
I had complete strangers ask me if I was a Narcissist. Not to mention 2 other terms that were flying around and total BS. (Misoginist and closet racist or some garbage like that)
I was also asked if I had ever been Diagnosed with ADD. To which I reply, OH LOOK BUTTERFLY!-- All joking aside, the term did not exist back when I was tested and I probably woud say that yes there is pretty healthy amout of it running around (maybe why a Monster usually puts me to sleep faster than it keeps me awake).
Back in 1981 all I was diagonsed with was light dislexia.
I just have a little time on my hands to think. I ahve dated a few different women in the last year. The last one whom I wrote "The last love song" about, ends up not being my last love song. 3 months in and a lot of stuff was poping up and I looked at the definition of the minimising apology and went BOOM head to hand!
"You are just like Bill Murry in Groundhog day" It took me a min and then I was like WTF? After that my attention went to more mannerisims and comments. So I guess i am still looking for theat last love song. (we have maintained polite converational status tho)
I just wanted to share.
Thanks Chordie family.
–Phil Toshio Sudo
Author of Zen Guitar