Topic: Critisism

Why does it seem like everywhere I go people critisize me. Especially at school. This past year.. one of my favorite teachers {my band teacher} told us she was leaving to go to a different job. I was crying basically the whole day which I know is a little strange. But still, can't people just leave me alone? How do they know how it makes me feel inside. How it affects my personality. And how much it makes me cry when I am home by myself. I am so tired of people judging me after knowing me for like 5 seconds. How do they know what's going on in my life. I guess I probably won't know this. I don't know if I will ever figure it out. I just wish I could be myself around some of my friends. I am more or less a completely different person at school than compared to how I am at home. At home I feel like I can be myself. And it's hard because most of the time I keep all of my emotions bottled up inside and never let anyone know how I really feel. And it's kind of hard around my parents because they always suspect something is wrong. But I don't tell them. I don't want them to worry. I don't want to add that extra stress on them. It is so hard for me. And I just wish I could talk to somebody about it. But, I don't. So.. instead of being happy all of the time... I start crying for no reason at school. I just don't want to talk to a counseler. Or anybody really. But, I will say there is at least one person at school that I can talk to. She is always there for me. No matter what. And she understands me. Her and my mom. They are the two people I feel like I can talk to. I don't know why people critisize me. Most of them don't even know one thing about me.  I will probably be trying to figure this out for along time.

Re: Critisism

Hi ILuvJefferyNeroHardy(thats a heck of a handle)
I know exactly how you feel.I have dealt with this my whole life and it is has been very difficult.
Just cause someone knows how to tick you off doesn't mean they know what makes you tick.
I spent my whole youth thinking the same thing and bottling myself up in my"safe place" so nobody could reach out and hurt me.As I got older it didn't get any better and I ended up in some pretty intensive therapy.In that therapy I found out that the best thing I could've done was discuss this with my Mom(but like you I didn't want to worry her as my Dad passed away at a young age)
There is no shame in counseling and I suggest and hope you find someone you feel good with.
Another way to look at this is that you have to train your brain to not feel these emotions as the emotional brain is dictating to the logical brain what to feel.I know it sounds kinda goofy but I am 54 and you have to trust me when I say I've been there and that's a long hill to climb unless you start early.
Have you thought about writing songs about how you feel?
I truly hope this helps you and if you want to Email me to talk thats OK to.
Your Non-Judgmental Friend  smile

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)

Re: Critisism

I have an ex-girlfriend (who is still a really good friend of mine) that struggled with a lot of the same things that you are going through right now. Even though she fought with depression years before we started dating, she still had times when she would go through a down time. But she told me that there were two things that helped her overcome her depression. First, she talked to her school counselor who referred her to a therapist. Second, she opened up to her parents. The key was getting her parents support along with professional help. To this day, she is a generally happy individual who is still very close with her parents.

You sound like a unique person and that's really cool. People in high school will judge other people that are different than them because they aren't mature enough to realize that variety is what makes life great! You'll find as you get older that more and more people will come to appreciate the characteristics that make!

By the way, welcome to Chordie! There are a lot of cool people here who love to chat and have a great time. And hey, feel free to shoot me an email if you want to chat some more.

Take care,

"Do or do not, there is no try." Yoda

Re: Critisism

Hi ILuvJefferyNeroHardy and welcome to chordie!

For some people, high school is their glory days.  For others, high school is a miserable and lonely place.  Please realize that your peers are just as confused (if not moreso) as you are - don't put much stock in their criticisms.

For me high school was mostly miserable and lonely.  I wasn't a jock or a socialite or a stoner or whatever the various tribal groups are called nowadays.  I guess I was mostly just a nerd of some sort - but I didn't even fit in with the other nerdish types.

In retrospect I now understand that I didn't fit in because high school was a miserably dysfunctional and totally fabricated little society.  There was no place good for me there because I just didn't fit within any of the typical little tribes.  It was a very good thing to finish high school and get on with my life and become comfortable with my individuality.

It has all worked out just dandy for me - I now teach at a university, I have a wide variety of interests that keep me going, I am happily married, and we have a son and a daughter (plus 6 dogs, but that's another story).

Being uncomfortable as an adolescent is not unusual - however, if your inner turmoil is affecting your ability to function then you need to start talking to somebody about it.  Talking in and of itself is not a cure - but learning how to express your feelings to another person can help you gain some perspective.

My wife is a Guidance Counselor in our local high school.  I can attest to the fact that she is very interested in (and capable of) helping students achieve their fullest potential.  Perhaps there is somebody just as capable in your school?

It  is good you can talk to your mother.  It is better to be open with your parents than to try and pretend they don't exist or that they don't care or that they can't understand.

What do you do for fun?  What makes you smile and laugh and chuckle?

"That darn Pythagorean Comma thing keeps messing me up!"

Re: Critisism

HI jeffery,I got treated alot like that also when I was in school,I think as I look back those where the some awful times.But I was a person that did not want too be like everyone else,I just minded my own business and got  some decent grades.I was fortunate enough too have a couple of good teachers and a good counsler too talk too. You see you are not the only one. Seek out counslers and friends,teachers I would bet half of them experianced this at some time or another.people in your age group can be very cruel. At least you talked too the people here at chordie.  Keep on being yourself.          dino

my papy said son your going too drive me too drinking if you dont stop driving that   Hot  Rod  Lincoln!! Cmdr cody and his lost planet airman

Re: Critisism

ILuvJefferyNeroHardy ,


Some questions for you!

Whats your biggest fear at the moment! Usually this is the key to all your feeling?

How do you know people critisize you after knowing you  only a few seconds?
Do you dress or present youself in a totally weird manner? giving a wrong impression to others?
Are you being overly sensitive?
Do you smile when people approach you, to make them welcome in your space?
Are you in love with another,  and dont know how to deal with this ?
Do you feel you create the distance between you and others.
Do you feel relaxed and enjoy others company ever { excluding the 2 you mentioned

I do feel if you communicated your thoughts and feelings you would not feel so sad and isolated.
You think your sparing your parents added stress by not relating your feelings to them. Well i can tell
you in all honesty as a parent, i would be more stressed looking at my child knowing there unhappy.
You need to break this mould of holding on to stuff.. The world aint gonna end because you release your fears.

Its perfectly ok to cry when you lose a favourite thing { Person or oblect.} But when your crying, please know exactly why you are! Everyones tears have a natural sedative to them, so crying can be balm to the mind and soul.

You and only you  can know  what your thoughts are in these times of crying.

Might i suggest you fill your spare time with what you love to do. Give yourself a project. Ive been doing this all my life.
it can be big or small/
Write a list of things you would like to achieve in life. Then start with the smallest.
To be happy you need to think happy.  We become introverted with To many heavy thoughts about ourselves, then this shows in our body language.
Your body will display whats going on in your mind. If the thoughts are happy it shows, and vice versa.

I know from your post your an intelligent sensitive person. Writing this post gave you the avenue to express. Get your self a large notebook and keep writing, when your feeling both good and down.

I wish you great success in all you do in life. My private Email is here for you. Please feel free to use this any time.

The biggest warmest hugs to you. lol

Old Doll

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !

Re: Critisism

Hi ILuvJefferyNeroHardy

All I can say is your among friends in here ... no matter what you ALWAYS have an outlet where others will not judge you ... life can cruel, especially among people and peers specifically ... everyone is their own "unique" individual and some people just dont get it ... never bottle things up inside if you can help it ... always have some sort of outlet (your friend and mother are prime examples) ... you NEED that release ... it helps sooth the sould knowing you have that support that understands you and what you're going through in life in general ... KAP brough up a GREAT point ... music is a WONDERFUL outlet to a point ... look at how many great songs were inspired but events in their lives ... case in point, Kurt Cobain ... granted his untimely outcome was sad but great songs about what you've been through are great release points ... its something that is completely yours ... something you put your heart and soul into and it is REAL ... just like the conversations you have with your Mom and your friend ... if others around you just don't "get" you that is nothing to be ashamed of ... as stated before, you are UNIQUE ... I for one would rather be unique than just be another "face" in the crowd ... you know yourself better than anyone ... ask your friend and your mom what makes you "unique" if you find it hard to find the answer yourself ... everyone in this world is like a snowflake ... each a unique one ... never shy away from who you TRULY are ... it's a unique gift God has bestowed upon you ... embrace it ... no matter how others treat you, be who YOU are ...

God bless


Electric:  Gibson Les Paul Studio, Schecter Omen 6, PRS SE Custom
Acoustic:  Fender Talman, Yamaha
Amp:  Fender Super Champ XD/Line6 Spider III 75

Re: Critisism

Sometimes suggestions aren't criticism, but attempts to help.  It can be a challange learning the difference. 

Also, in high school, it is cruel, but sometimes folks just get into habits of how to treat one another.  In my high school, it was "the thing" to insult me for some reason.  Eventually I began to act in a way that invited insult.  I began to believe the I deserved insult and did things to invite it.  That was foolish of me.  These other kids had forgotten that I was a person and were acting cruelly towards me just out of habit.  Perhaps the same is true of you.  I don't know.  But I do know it was a mistake for me to dress or act in a way other than the way I wanted to out of reaction to people whose opinions I really didn't care about. 

When I was grown, I bumped into a couple of folks from my high school.  They were people from out of my 'circle' or 'tribe' and in high school we would not have so much as looked at one another.  But when grown, on both occaissions, we had a very nice time catching up with one another.  We had all learned that there's a whole lot more to life than what others think, and we had all become our own persons independent of the tribes. 

Good luck.  I wish you well.  High school was a wretched time for me, but it was necessary to go through to become who I am today. 

- Zurf

Granted B chord amnesty by King of the Mutants (Long live the king).
If it comes from the heart and you add a few beers... it'll be awesome! - Mekidsmom
When in doubt ... hats. - B.G. Dude

Re: Critisism

  First I would say that it's never easy to say goodby.
  Second, Stress comes with being an adult. It doesn't matter if you are or aren't a parent.
I am a parent. As a parent I can tell you that I would rather to have my children to tell me what's going on in their lives than to keep it to theirselves.
From personal experiance I can say that if you live a life of hiding in your emotions, it can consume you. Eventually you'll find yourself in a place that you just don't care. You care about noone or nothing including yourself.
School can be cold, cruel and unforgiving.
Been there, done that.
Never be afraid to express yourself.

If you're not happy with what you have...
Then you'll never be happy with what you get...