My Grandfather was a right one. Not my maternal Grandfather; he was a religious minister, but the other one - Granddad. He got audited by the tax office and toddled of to see them.
He goes into the office with someone beside him and the auditer looks up and says "Oh, I see you've brought a witness. I take it he's your accountant." Grandad smiles back and nods.
"Now I see from your paperwork that you claim to be a gambler."
Grandad smiles and nods.
"You earn all your money from gambling?"
Grandad smiles back and nods.
"You expect me to believe that you are good enough to make a living out of gambling? No-one's that good!"
"Well I am!" says Grandad. "To prove it, I bet you £1000 I can bite my left eye!"
The auditer thinks a moment and says "I'll take that bet!" As they shake hands they both look at the accountant who nods grimly witnessing the bet.
Grandad takes out his left eye bites it and pops it back in.
The auditer is fuming but Grandad doesn't relent "I told you I was a good gambler! Don't worry though, I'll give you a chance to get your money back and make a bit. I'll bet you £2000 I can bite my right eye!"
The auditer thinks 'I know he's not blind, so he can't....' "I'll take that bet!" The accountant grimly witnesses the handshake and Grandad takes out his false teeth, bites his right eye and pops them back in.
The auditer is fuming. £3000 pounds he owes the man who came to be audited. He can barely controll his anger.
"Don't worry," smiles Grandad "Here's a real chance for you to make your money back and make a good bit as well. I bet you £6000 I can stand behind you desk where you are now and wee over the top of your desk and get every drop in that waste paper bin without spilling a drop on your desk!"
The auditer is not going to be taken in so easily so he looks at the distance, where the bin is and calculates the flow.
"From the other side of the desk?"
"Not one tiny little drip on the desk?"
"Yup! not one drip or drop!"
"I'll take that bet!" and the accountant grimly witnesses the handshake.
Grandad goes round behind the desk and undoes himself and proceeds to wee all over the desk. All over the paperwork, all over the phone, the blotting paper is useless and even the auditer's wife's photo gets splashed. There is only one place that remains dry - the waste paper bin!
The auditer is delighted. He's jumping up and down and roaring with joy - "Yes! Yes! Not one drop? HA HA HA! That's £3000 pounds you owe me!"
Grandad takes out his check book and starts writing out the check, his enigmatic smile still on his face. The auditer notices this and the face of the accountant sat next to Grandad -
"How come you seem totally unbothered by having to pay me £3000 but your accountant is fuming; I mean he looks like he's going to burst with anger?"
"Oh don't worry about him; I just bet him £25,000 before we came in that I could wee all over your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
<-----<< On an even field, only talent prevails! >>----->
Gans Gwarak da yn dorn yu lel, gwyr lowen an golon!
>>-----> [color=#FF0000]Rudhes[/color] hag [color=yellow]Owres[/color], Kajima <-----<<