Joke Thread (Page 2 of 2)

This is a bit risque so if your young don't look!

Two kids in a swimming pool...

Little Johnnie says; I'm gonna duck you

Little Mary replies; Oh no your not, you can't even say it properly

Same two kids walking along the corridor

Little Mary says; Look at that condom under the radiator

Little Johnnie asks; What's a radiator?

MICKY THE MOOCH ..GROANS!!! pmsl

Dont Stop Kid Keep Rockin'  !!

What's invisible and smells of banana???????????????????

Monkey fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheltenham Races.

A group of primary school children, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15'.

i dont get it

Here in the cold and icy Canadian winter, metal studs are inserted into snow tires for traction.

My buddy Doc posted this on Tubenet. I wanted to share it with you guys.
You know you're too old to gig when...
It becomes more important to find a place for your box fan than your amp.
You refuse to play out of tune.
Your fans have left by 10:30 PM.
All you want from groupies is a foot massage.
Your after show party is at Burger King.
You can't play more than one hour without a wee wee break.
You hire band mates for their values instead of their talent.
Instead of a fifth member , you want to hire a roady.
You lost the directions to the gig (which you got from Mapquest).
You need your glasses to adjust your amp.
You're thrilled to have New Years Eve off.
The waitress is your daughter.
You stop the set because your Iboprophen fell behind the monitor.
Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
You no longer use a tip jar.
You refuse to play without earplugs.
Fat chicks are starting to look O.K.
You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 10:30.
Your gig stool must have a back.
You're related to at least one of the band members.
You don't let anyone "sit in".
Your wife doesn't care what time you get home anymore.
During breaks you go lay down in the van.
You prefer a music stand with a light.
You sold your Les Paul because it's too heavy.
You can't get your Fender Twin Reverb out of your basement.
You can't play without a play list.
You have a contract.

An older couple in their 90's went for a checkup at the doctor's office.  The doc gave them a clean bill of health except for their lack of memory.  He told them to write everything down.  Later that night they were watching tv and the husband gets up and says I'm going to the kitchen, do you want anything.  The wife says get me a bowl of ice cream, do ya need to write that down.  Husband says no, a bowl of ice cream.  She says while your at it put some strawberries on it too, do ya need to write that down.  Husband says no, bowl of ice cream w/ strawberries on top.  She says while your at it put some whipped cream on top, do ya need to write that down.  Husband says na, bowl of ice cream, strawberries, whipped cream on top.  30 minutes later the husband comes out with a plate of bacon and eggs..........................Wife says, where's the toast!!!  I love that one, kinda long typin it out though!!

Nascarfan