Lost a husband through divorce...............was a high school love. Was suppose to grow old together.. Hurt deeply.
Lost a second husband through death......was the joy of my life and made my first marriage pale in comparison. Still reeling, but as time goes by, I discovered a few things. 3 words sum it up. 'Life goes on'. As much as my life stood still, no one else's did. The people who were responsible for his death, still have happy holidays, celebrate anniversaries and see their family and friends.
I have to make a choice everyday when I wake up, deciding what I am going to focus on. It is a retraining of the mind to not be in deep grief, not to hate, not to dwell on the events/details and why people purposely hurt other people. None of these things matter to other people, except the ones who watch you die a little everyday, wishing they could take the hurt away.
Once I got over being mad at God, He keeps me strong and on those days that I don't think I wanna participate anymore, somehow, I do. I gave up music because it hurt too much to hear and sing songs that were 'our' songs. I walk out of a room when someone does a song that takes me to a place I can't handle. That's why I began learning to play guitar, it's a direction (new memory) that I am creating that is independent of 'our' life. It helps me keep my brain from overworking on the bad thoughts and forces it to learn new things.
Life goes on and if you can somehow figure out that no matter what happens, life goes on and someday, somehow, somewhere, you will see that those who care.......matter. If not for you, but for your kids. You set the example on how to deal with your grief. They are learning from you, watching you, picking up on your vibe you send out.
So you decide, what kind of example are you going to be for them. The best you can be for them is the best they will be when 'life sucks' for them.
You will be the rock they lean on in their core beliefs.
It takes a while, not saying you will 'get over it', but you can change or decide "do I live in the past or do I create new and different memories". I have to make the choice everyday. I have great friends and family. No judgment or lectures on their part, they let me be me, no matter how I am. We accept tears as a cleansing process and relish the smiles for what we still have.
Life is short and there is no do over. Fill it with as much love and true life for you. Your kids depend on you for guidance. Which way are you going to lead them.
Hope this wasn't too much, I just felt the need and it was a refresher course for me as much as exposing my feelings on the matter of the heart.