I'll tell ya what StranSongs, you have outdone your self this time.  There is no way to read this without pictures filling the minds eye.  I can imagine how beautiful it would sing.  If this one does not hit he CD shelves, then there really is no tooth fairy.

Good job my friend,
jodyW

Hi Linusguitar,
long time no see.  How ya been? 
This is a really cool song.  It almost seems it would sing like a sad song.
I get the music but cain't quite get the melody.  I really like this piece.
This one is open to endless posibilities.  "Could be a hit love song"?
I'm not going to recomend any changes, so far I like it as is.

Take care,
jodyW

Hi Kenny,
Good to hear from you.  I hope you are well.  I would probably get more people looking with a "Gypsy" kinda name.  Thanks for the complaments.  My voice comes and go's.  When I have a good voice day,   I'll try to record this.  I'll let you know.  By the way, this is actually a fun song to sing.  It makes you feel rich and naughty for a little while.  lol

Take care,
jodyW

Pete!  Long time no see.  How ya been?  Are you recording yet?

Hi Phill, I love this kinda stuff.  It was like a movie playing in my head.  Very descriptive.  It held my attention well.  I really like  the story line.

Well done sir.
jodyW

Ken!  This song is awsome!  I think it is one of your best yet.  Good job sir.

jodyW

It is sad, but the music is pretty darn cool.  Good job.

I bought the best, and the repair man is here "now" fixing it. 

I love this song.  Excellent writing.

I agree.  Thanks for the input Ark.
jodyWayne

Hello Kenny,
Every thing you said has merrit!  There are millions of songs, written by people like you and me, that are better than what I hear on the radio.  You are right, if you are famous your work doesn't have to be all that good, it just has to have your name on it. As far as making money off this, we have about as much chance at winning a lottery.

I am not a song writer or a musician or a singer.  I don't have a clue what I'm doing.  I just put down on paper what comes into my mind.  And, I try the best I know how to make it sound like a real song.  I'm sure that a song must have proper structure.  What is the right structure and what is not, i'm not sure?  I'm also not sure what a "great hook" is?  But, I will learn.  And, I don't know why I write songs?  Mabe some day i'll figure it out?

I guess the question about this song is:  Is the structrue ok?  Did it help changing the second verse to tell why sad songs and her memory make him cry?  Is there still a problem with the hook?  Is the melody right for this song?  Is the song too long or too short?

My voice is not well yet, but it is much better.  So I am going to record this version and put it on YouTube.  Hopefully tonight.  If you don't mind, have a listen.  I have found sometimes it makes a difference reading it and hearing it.

Look forward to hearing from you again.

Take care friend,
jodyWayne

Hi Kenny,
As I wrote this song I imagined a broken hearted middle age man sitting in a bar, drunk on his butt.  His woman did him wrong and he is thinking about it the best he can in his drunken state.  A man in this condition will think and repeat the same thoughts over and over.  I know, i've listened to my fair share of them.  Read the song as if your drunk best friend is crying in his beer, while he's telling you this.  Get the idea?

I thought about it, and I am doin a rewrite.  I did change the second verse.  It now tells why he is so miserable.  I think I like it better this way?  I want to sing the song again at the club and see if the change makes any difference to my friends there.
  "I also want to know if you feel it's better or not"

And, I am not offended.  I'm greatfull!  I'm no expert either!  This is what I like most about the Chordie Forum.  It is a place to share ideas, learn, become better and grow.  I appreciate you and everyone here who puts in their comments and suggestions.

Thank you very much,
jodyWayne