OK friends...since I am the one who really brought this up in another thread...I will share what is going on in my life right now. Please dont judge me...I dont know where I am going with my life, and just living a day at a time. Please be patient with this "blog" and feel free to share your thoughts.
Before meeting my hubby 17 yrs ago, and since the age of 12, I played my acoustic night and day. I wrote tons of songs and poems. My guitar went everywhere I did. I never took lessons and didnt play really well(still dont actually) but I loved my music. I live for music. I love everything about it, and I hear it in my head those few times theres none playing.
My hubby is a recovering alcoholic. He was sobor for 8 yrs at one point...relapsed, and now has trouble getting a year together. Things were not good when there was drinking, but he is a good man. He accepted my daughter as his own, we married, and have 2 boys also. He knew how I loved my guitar and music when he married me.
As women oft do, as I worked and raised kids, I left behind that part of myself that was my true passion. I didnt pick up my guitar for years, but just once in a great while. My songs and all collected mildew in the basement in a box.
The last time my hubby resumed his drinking habit, it was kinda like a last straw. He is sobor 9 mo now, but something in me has changed. I realize I put away my love because that sort of thing made him jelous. And now I feel as tho life is suddenly passing me by.
I have a close friend,(who is male and happily married, and like a brother to me) He played bass in a popular rock band here. Thru emails and getting to his shows, he encouraged me to follow what I love. Of course, hubby is insanely jelous of him too. There is no reason to be. He SHOULD know better. But just the same...
About 7 mo ago I bought myself a new Martin acoustic(I should say, new to ME...Its used) It is big and uncomfortable, and I knew what I really wanted was an electric. With money I earned writing articles and short stories, I bought my cheap, but BEAUTIFUL transluscent blue electric, and an amp! I have been playing daily, in every moment I have to spare. Also learning new songs and writing too. Hubby is not supportive. I resent this because of my support of him all these years.
In a strange twist tho, like an addiction must be to HIM, I have become addicted as well. Since he can not drink, and hence can not go to clubs and the like to enjoy live music(Which I LOVE so much) I have begun going out occasionally to hear my friend's band. The trouble is, it is behind his back...I dont want to be dishonest...I've never lied to anyone in my life, and here I am in the grip of this NEED to get out once in a while. The day may come when like another poster said, someone will spot me there...but it must be a risk I'm willing to take. I'm there to feel the music, to dance, to feel alive...not to cheat or meet someone else. I have felt like a caged animal for so long.
Perhaps I am preparing myself for the possibility that he will once again drink, and I will have to make a choice. I dont know whats going on inside me anymore. I just want to be free to love what I love without hiding it. I doubt that will happen. We cant talk about it. I'm at a loss.
Any takers on this one?
HUGGED YOUR GUITAR