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Ryuusei wrote:Phill Williams wrote:It reads like diary entries.maybe you could expand on what you've written, don't force a poetic lilt just write down what you see around you as you have done, what you feel at the time. You have the talent, let it flow. I'm only offering advice as you've mentioned you are struggling to write new stuff. Good luck.
I think what you're referring to is a limit specific to Haikus......I'll try to make it simpler next time, in terms of the word choices
But a thought is always there that Haikus have restrictive conditions( 17 syllables max, and only 3 lines), so there are shackles.
No I think you've misunderstood what I meant. I remember in a previous post you mentioned that you couldn't imagine new poetry, I have no idea what a Haikus is as I'm no literary genius like Pete. I thought you wanted some advice on continuing this piece and/or writing new stuff. Excuse my ignorance
It reads like diary entries.maybe you could expand on what you've written, don't force a poetic lilt just write down what you see around you as you have done, what you feel at the time. You have the talent, let it flow. I'm only offering advice as you've mentioned you are struggling to write new stuff. Good luck.
Wow, that's a deep one! I find it easy to rewrite a piece if I have the original before me, but rewriting from memory is not so easy. You've done a great job anyway. We'll done
I haven't written anything for a while but having read Ryuusei's poems while munching on Malteezers this came to me. Took me all of 5 minutes, and it shows
Malteezers
I sit here reading
And eating Malteasers
They're certainly pleasers
Made special for geezers
With sweet tooth and tweezers
To pull out yer molars
Dentists are robbers
That take more than teeth
As your wallet they empty
Though they live on plenty
And never that gently
Relieve you of moolah
You've worked all your life for
And that's where I'll stop
In case they send round a cop
And this work is a flop
That's all.
A view on life around you at the time. Great poem but I had to remove the swear word as we don't allow bad language on Chordie. Thanks for posting
I find myself smiling at your (5 year old ) poems, they're great. I sometimes find writing words on a sheet of paper a real struggle. So, I just forget about writing until something someone says or a song on the radio or even an event strikes a chord with me and finally I write something I'm happy with. Grah said the same thing last week, the scariest thing a writer can see is a blank sheet of paper
Another sweet poem. Short but beautifully formed. Keep them coming please you are an asset to Chordie.
Hello William and welcome to the forum. The songs are beautifully written and you've mastered chopro which is something I've failed to do. Just one thing; please press the submit button just once.
On a lighter note, when submitting a song it would be useful to give a little description of how you play it, you know style, speed etc and a recording would be good. I won't reply to your first song as I've included it with this critique. You've done a great job and hope to see lots more from you soon.
Phill
let me know what you want, words, riff etc, maybe a theme?
The harder you try the harder it is to write something new. I like to write new songs to keep my mind active but when I hit that block I do my best to sit back and wait it out. If I push it I tend to come up with songs that if I allowed others to hear I would be ashamed. So, many false starts but lots of lines that may come of use when I get a good one going. If you like I can send you a bare bones that you can work on?
hi pix, nice to hear from you again. have to say negative, I never joined in that thread so I never followed it's course. but like everything else on here it must have died tucked away in a quiet corner waiting to be revived. you up for it?
That has to be one of the most touching perfromances I've watched on YouTube. I must say brilliant performances by both and sadness at watching those ANZACS sailing away many never to return. The love and hope in the faces of the women and children on the Quay side is heart breaking. Thanks for posting this Brian. I hope lots of people will watch it and feel the sadness I do for those souls wasted in a needless war.
Great recording does your writing proud. This song lends itself perfectly to your friends country style voice. Well done.
Sounds like you guys moved from Brit covers to Nashville style C/W. Delightful song and performance. I've never heard it before when did it come out?
In the UK bands covered American records until the Beatles, Stones and the Kinks came along. Apart from the BeeGees and the Easybeats antipodean music escaped me. To be honest this song doesn't float my boat like so many British records from that era, good but not brilliant.
You have a knack of describing a scene, though I come from a small town I can imagine it. Over here they'd call that a festival or rave, the difference being a rave is just boom, boom noise, flashing lights writhing bodies and copious amounts of narcotics. Will you or have you recorded it?
Jim. I've never been to Madrid but you describe it in a romantic and passionate way. If I ever go there and its not I'll be very disappointed, joke.
You've come up with a romantic and gripping story with a happy ending. Can't wait for the recording.
That's a new one on me too. Nice to hear live drums and un-harmonized harmonies ( if you don't know what that means ask) I caught the JFK inference and good chorus. NEXT
Pedr, even after a whole year that was great, I don't know how I missed it then? I hope everyone that viewed your post also watched the attached video, as you say talent mixed with humour...brilliant, and not just from the players
Jim the post you've replied to is from 2019 the reply is probably spam. you're too kind hearted
Sorry to pour cold water on your discovery but that is basically an A chord with 6,5 and 1 strings open. On the plus side it does sound really nice.
Glad you enjoyed. 1st class home, you couldn't write it, lucky devil...lol
So! you never thought to come and say hello to your best Welsh mate...again? You didn't even say you were coming over here. Wales is down a bit and turn right when going south from Scotland. You obviously turned left and accidentally found London. Hope you remembered to pay your ULEZ fee?
Pedr. Safety while on the net must be everyone's priority. I always think: if it sounds too good to be true its most likely a scam. Shred it
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